[magnolia]

DH and I will celebrate 21 married years (and 22 "together" years) in January, first marriage for both. Has it been a smooth ride? Heavens no, show me one marriage that has been smooth sailing since day one and I'll show you someone in denial! I was raised in a family with both parents, happily (but with their "moment's") until my dad's death. DH on the other hand, came from a broken marriage, his parents divorced when he was 9 months old, 2nd marriage, stepdad was abusive - MIL got out of that marriage 2 kids later!. Her third marriage was her final (until it too ended in divorce) but dh really got along with him - he finally had a man in his life to show him direction and guide him (his dad showed up once a month with child support check and that was it). So dh had nothing to "go by" as for what makes a marriage last. We have had our moments, our arguments, and big blowups but...we allow each other time to calm down, we never talk in the "heat of the moment", but when things settle down, we sit down and discuss what it was that caused the fight. We never go to bed angry with one another which I think is a big key! We have both taught each other a lot in our years together. And we do things together - he's into hunting and although I'm not, I do go to the camp with him on the week-ends, will (when I want to and he never pushes me) go sit in a stand with him while he hunts and we'll just talk and talk - that is til the deer steps out!! We are very involved together in our boys lives - doing things with them, seeing that they get to do what they want to when we can which is something dh never had from his dad. We never find "fault" with one another nor criticize each other - it takes 2 and we realize we are not alone, we DO have each other!! I think that if both truly want to make a relationship last, whether they are married or not, learning to communicate is the big key, being supportive of each other, and more importantly, praying when times are good AND bad!