This is a really tough issue. There are fathers out there who are really clueless and are missing out on great kids because of it!!
My dad had virtually nothing to do with us when he and my mom divorced (I was 12 and the oldest of 5 children back in the early 70's). He married our neighbor (VERY long story) two years later, but they were involved prior to the end of both of their marriages. It is my feeling that my stepmother was very threatened by us because we were older and knew what had transpired - but her children were younger and only believe the lies they had been told. When there is such animosity between a parent and child - I'm not sure there is anything you can do to repair it. She is old enough to have the right to decide for herself whether she wants to be with him or not. It sounds like she has already been very hurt by him. From personal experience, I'd make sure this is what she really wants and then go for it. She will probably always have some level of regret (it is the nature of the beast), but perhaps this will allow her to move forward and heal.
Usually, if your daughter changes her name, it would be because your husband is officially adopting her, meaning that her father has signed off parental rights - which also means that he is no longer responsible for child support, insurance or anything else monetary for her.
Name changes are done by petition. Check the internet and see what you can find out here. I wish all of you the best of luck here. I hope you all find happiness.
__________________  Sissy & Angel |