I don't know any of the what/how/where particulars - but I do think that I would let my 16 year old make the decision. I certainly would let her call stepdad - Dad. I would let her change her name. She can always change it back when she gets older, if she changes her mind, but she probably won't.
My daughter is closer to her step dad (my current husband) than her real dad, who pretty much liike your ex, ignores her. I think it used to bother her more, but now that she is 30 and has her own family - she just pretty much ignores it.
My real dad didn't have anything to do with me either and when my mom remarried, my stepdad adopted me (I was only 7) and I never once regretted being adopted or having my name changed.
__________________  Rex & Rowdy's Mom  |