I understand what you mean. I'm sorry that it isn't working out how you planned. I read your dogster about Jewel and I could tell that she was special from the first minute she picked you out.
Let me know if you'd like some help trying to find breeders in the area. Just tell me what you're looking for and I'll try to keep my eye out for you. I'm sure that you could at least visit a breeder's puppies and if you don't get the right feeling about a puppy then you wouldn't be obligated to anything. But I think after a while you will get that happy giddy feeling of looking forward to getting a puppy that we've all experienced.
Here are a couple ads I've seen:
This one is expensive but GOSH SHE'S SO CUTE! Don't you want to kiss that face all up? I don't know the breeder personally but she looks pretty good.
http://sandiego.backpage.com/buysell...s%20for%20sale
This girl needs a home :/
http://sandiego.backpage.com/buysell...s%20for%20sale
Let me know if I can help!
ps- Another thing I forgot to mention is did you ask the vet if the brain condition she had was genetic? I would hate for you to go through all of this heartbreak again.