Having been through your situation myself, I think it is so important for you to be in counseling with a psychologist (not a social worker...some are incredible but some are lacking in the skills you want) by yourself. A lightbulb went off in my head many times in sessions but particularly when the therapist pointed out that I had always paired with narcissistic men. While these could be great men in many ways, they were incapable of meeting my emotional needs. Your husband might do fine with a woman that does not have the particular needs that you have. I realized that I like a great deal of connectedness and my ex did not. I was always in relationships with men like that. After I finally got divorced and started dating again, I went to the psychologist to discuss the two men that I was seeing. One was a handsome, charismatic, loveable filmmaker (typical of the men I was drawn to). But he was laden with issues around intimacy. The other man was not as charismatic, nor handsome but so giving, caring, insightful etc. Not he kind of man I usually chose for relationships.When the therapist pointed out where i was headed if I kept seeing the filmmaker....I finally GOT it. I immediately stopped seeing him and 2 years later married man number 2 and could not be any happier. My ex husband chose someone much more suited to his personality and he is also happy. What I am getting at is that YOU need to learn about YOU....and you need support and guidance over the next year or two to deal with the loss and challenges that you will meet head on. If you don't gain insight into YOUR issues, you will end up with the same wolf in a different sheeps clothing! I support you in your journey and know that you can find deep contentment. |