The little cutiepie has way too much time on her hands and way too much "stuff". As far as taking care of physical needs, we are required to provide three things..... food, shelter and clothing.....Beans and cornbread with a salad thrown in makes a good nutrutious meal; shelter does not include a tv, xbox, computer, telephone, etc., it is a roof over their head; and good clothing can always be secured from Goodwill or Salvation Army.
Everything else is an extra.... Put everything into perspective by having your step-daughter start "earning" everything that is not a necessity. Pick your battles wisely and be prepared to do whatever it takes to win them.
This is not an instant fix, it is VERY hard work on your part cause it requires you to be sweet all of the time, and never ever let Sweetcheeks make you angry or come between you and your husband. It will require great strength and nerves of steel.
btw.... whining IS most definately allowed....but only in your bedroom.... with the door closed cause whining is offensive to you and cannot be done in the "public areas" of the house.