for counseling to work, you have to put in a good faith effort to listen, reflect and work at the problem. if you're just going to through the motions and watching the clock, then it's probably doing very little good.
i'm of the opinion that "divorce" is not necessarily a bad thing. it's people who exploit it and use it casually that makes it "a bad thing". divorce can save you from a very bad situtation with your spouse that's beyond reconciliation. i don't believe in martyrdom, emotional or physical. i think if you can truly validate and understand your reasonings to leave a marriage, if you can truly understand and live with the long term impact on yourself, your spouse, your children, and your families, and a close look at the relationship concludes that being divorced will make you a better daughter, a better mother, a better aunt, a better friend, and a better person all together, then it should be something to consider. (and for those who wonder, yes, i think sometimes i do think it's better to have 2 loving parents in two different homes than 2 bitter parents under one roof).
but it takes a lot to know whether or not you'll be a better person without your spouse and establishing a separate home with your daughters. you really have to understand the root of your problems, the reasoning for it, and how divorce will be part of the solution, and not the beginnings of another problem.
although i do see a lot of valid reasons for people to divorce, i think it needs to be taken as seriously as the vows you have taken to get married to begin with. your reasoning must be more than just "i'm out of love and miserable because of it.". your reasoning must not be because of another person in your life, because a short period of infatuation with another man is not a fair comparison to 9+ years of infatuation, love, frustrations, and compromises. 9+ years of seeing the other person at their worst and at their best does not compare to weeks, months, or even a few years of lust, infatuation, and overall best behavior.
a marriage is not just about love, but also responsibility, respect, and companionship. both parties bears the responsibility of meeting all of these criteria. and fault of any failure to meet all of these rests not only on one person, but both.
if the both of you cannot agree to figure out where the breakdown is, and really TRY to work on resolving any problems that may exist. then it's time to talk about how to dissolve the marriage in the least painful manner.
just my opinion. others may disgree. ultimately it's your decision and your network of support will be there for you. big hugs and good luck. |