Megan, I can really relate to you. It has been a year at the end of May since I lost my beloved Hershey. She was my first dog and I could'nt stand the thought of her dying. She got cancer and she had to be put to sleep. My brother and Dad held her and we had the vet come to the house to make her more comfortable. I will always think about my Hershey, but Lola and Hershey's brother Duey make the pain more bearable. I know that whatever dogs you have in the future, you will love them just as much.