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JeanieK · 05-07-2006, 05:35 AM

Why Women Are Crabby

We started to "bud" into our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to
find out that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming
buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously
uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap
until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along
with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone
crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular
packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time,
which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through
your nostrils, leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry
crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day
leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and
we are!), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us
steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were
preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we had swallowed a watermelon whole
and we peed our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived,
the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle
of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in
pain all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to dH-Ðd(ÿÿÿÿD+b ie while the OB
says, "Please stop
screaming, Mrs.HEAR ME ROAR." Calm down and push. Just one more good
push (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to
punch the OB and hubby square in the face for making us cram a wiggling,
mushroom-headed 10 lb bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when
all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into
walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop
machines.

Then . . . come their teen years. Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual
prime in our early 40's while hubby had his some where around his 18th
birthday and is now all but null and void.

So we progress into the grand finale: "Menopause," the Grandmother of
all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now
seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a
hog, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything
that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get
off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the
woods without soaking their socks . .

So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great
Gandhi a tad crabby.

Women are the "weaker sex?" Yeah right! Bite me.

Send this to all the bright women you know and make their day!!! Or
at least make them laugh a little. . . but not too hard or they may pee
their panties. And send it to all the guys you know so they understand.

The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause:

Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and Psycho.

05-07-2006, 05:35 AM	#1
JeanieK Donating YT 12K Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Council Bluffs Iowa Posts: 12,552	Why Women are so Crabby!!! Why Women Are Crabby We started to "bud" into our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find out that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs. Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time, which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils, leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about. Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are!), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby. Our once flat bellies looked like we had swallowed a watermelon whole and we peed our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it was huff and puff and beg to dH-Ðd(ÿÿÿÿD+b ie while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs.HEAR ME ROAR." Calm down and push. Just one more good push (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the OB and hubby square in the face for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 lb bowling ball through a keyhole. After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines. Then . . . come their teen years. Need I say more? When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's while hubby had his some where around his 18th birthday and is now all but null and void. So we progress into the grand finale: "Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves. Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks . . So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex?" Yeah right! Bite me. Send this to all the bright women you know and make their day!!! Or at least make them laugh a little. . . but not too hard or they may pee their panties. And send it to all the guys you know so they understand. The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause: Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and Psycho.