[ParisGene]

So my sweet Paris came into heat in september while I was hospitalized. She mated with my cousins yorkie. This was her first time since each time I kept her away during her previous heat cycles. Since I have been so ill I wanted to make sure I would've able to care for her and pups. So they only mated once and we separated them....I took her to the vet in October and they said no she wasn't pregnant so I trusted them and allowed them to give her all her shots that were due. She became very ill and eventually I started. Noticing her changing in weight and her personality and shebe and very clingy. So I started thinking the vet was wrong and my girl was pregnant. I've never witnessed a pregnancy or birth of pups and she is my first Yorkie. She goes everywhere with me and according to the day she bred today is day 63...she is very tiny usually only weighing 3.8 lbs but now weighs 5.0...lastnight we had to go help a friend and I couldn't leave her alone so I brought her. She became restless and was literally climbing my chest and I thought she was scared of the loud noises and finally I put her down thinking maybe she needs to potty. She had a harness and leash on and we walked away she squatted and I thought went potty. I then noticedhereating what they had for dinner (sloppy joes) so I told her no and pulled her away. She ran to other side of pavement and looked as if she was throwing up so I grabbed her and picked her up. I glanced at her "vomit" and made the comment "what is that " because it had like a tan ripple look...I assumed. Maybe she ate some of the "sloppy joe" and then it made her vomit. We went back and sat down and she continued to fight me trying to get back to the "vomit" I wouldn't allow it because she normally does eat her vomit. We went inside and she paced around the friends house and she seemed to be looking for a place to "potty" I thought. Finally we left to head home and she just stared out the window. We got home and she wined most of the night. It dawned on me after getting home....what if she was pushing her baby out in my lap and when I let her down she walked away and finished pushing it out and the "sloppy joe" was her pup and I told her no so she picked it up carried it across pavement and she was actually cleaning her pup and I thought she was "vomiting" and I pulled her away from it carried her inside then went home without the pup ...I feel so guilty. I made a rush back to check because I couldn't handle not knowing. I couldn't find anything not even the "vomit" 😓😓😓 they do have a very gentle sweet female lab and I was hoping she might tend to the pup if she found it....I took my Paris back to the place first thing this morning and she searched for an hour.....no luck. I seriously feel like the worst momma ever. Everyone doubted me but I spend every day everyminute with her. I know her and can almost tell you what she is thinking. It's always me and her. So despite what the vet said I know my dog...it was too early to tell and plus she's so tiny there was only one puo soshe was barely showing....everyone kept saying I was wrong but I knew she was pregnant....she's grieving so bad today and is so down and sad....its breaking my heart....I had hoped she might have one more and that would help her but I think that was her one and only. I'm so broken and feel guilty I wasn't home with her and wouldn't let her down and kept her from her baby then left her baby there.....it was dark and I couldn't see good but thought she would be delivering inmy lap....please pray for my sweet Paris and myself. Any suggestions would be appreciated on how to comfort her or cheer her up...