Thank you everyone for responding to my posts and sharing your sympathy, empathy, and advice. This has been so hard. Maezie, like all my dogs, was very special to me. We had so many experiences together. I got Maezie as a pet but actually decided to show her at dog shows. We had some success and I got some points on her in the altered class. I’m proud that we did that together. It was a lot of fun. And so many other adventures we did together - we got to experience dog friendly patios in restaurants in BC. That’s something that we don’t have in Alberta. And we’ve traveled all over Alberta and BC. We were planning to go to Oregon next year. We also did agility classes too. Agility was where Maezie really excelled. Her boldness really shined through doing that and she really liked it. All the other dogs were scared of the tetter-totter, ramp, tunnel, etc. but she loved it. I was actually in the process of signing up to do agility with her all throughout the winter months. And she was just my baby girl. I loved, and still continue to love, her so much. Out of my dogs, Maezie was the cuddler! Bijou was too before he developed dementia. But for sure she was really big on cuddling, and I really miss that when I lay down for bed.
I’m worried about Théo. He’s my other yorkie. I actually was able to convince the breeder to sell me two dogs at once. Him and Maezie are from different litters but only 10 days apart. Obviously they’re bonded very closely with each other and he’s never been without Maezie this long before. And his behavior has been really off. It’s like he’s been acting really weird and depressed and sleeping more than usual. He’s often been searching for her. All over the house going room to room looking through every nook and cranny. And that breaks my heart to see him do that.
In 3 months I went from 3 dogs to 1 dog. And it just kills me emotionally. It’s brought everything into question. I remember being a student in university and having my professor tell the whole class that if we wanted a healthy dog to get a mixed breed. And now I wonder if Maezie was unhealthy with something that would explain her death under anesthesia. The vets at the clinic are known not to take any shortcuts and they do monitoring and take all the precautions. I hate to think that they screwed up somehow. I honestly doubt that’s what happened. The way it was explained to me just seems like it was immediate without any warning signs or anything. I’m praying for answers from the necropsy.
Maezie took after her dad not only in looks but also having really bad teeth. I was so looking forward to this being her last dental and we’d just make due with her having just her canine teeth left or whatever.
I actually ended up calling a pet loss support hotline just because I don’t have anybody that I can talk to about this about my feelings and how I’ve been devastated and kinda struggling to cope with it. The shock of it and not being able to prepare for it in anyway has made it really hard. I’d never imagine I’d ever call a hotline but this has just hit me like a ton of bricks. I haven’t been able to eat anything until today. And my hands keep shaking and I’ve just been bursting into tears at moments throughout every day. So today for 1.5hrs I spoke on the phone to some guy in Winnipeg. It actually feels like it helped a bit. My friends and my parents, they just wouldn’t understand or it just wouldn’t be appropriate to talk to them. I ended up becoming that guy who currently doesn’t have a girlfriend/wife and his dogs are most important in his life. So for me it just feels like my life has kinda shattered with this happening. It’s been very overwhelming.
My mom has asked me to send her 5 or 6 of my favorite photos of Maezie to her. I think she’s planning on framing the photos with all of Maezie’s rosettes that she won at dog shows. My mom is really great that way - she’s always thinking of doing something special like that for me.
And yes, I’ve already thought about the future possibly including another yorkie to love. I know I’m not ready just yet for that. I spoke to the breeder of Maezie and she told me that I’m the best puppy parent and, that whenever I’m ready, she’d sell me another dog anytime. So that makes me feel happy and like she knows that my dogs mean the world to me and that I do everything I can to give them a great life. And if I wanted a show dog with full registration, that that’d be fine. I don’t know if I want that. I like showing but I don’t know if I’d ever breed. I’d be pulling on every resource I have to have multiple mentors to do everything right and I just know it’d be a lot of work. So I doubt that’s for me. And she was kind enough to offer to put my name as a co-breeder on some of her litters in case I don’t end up in the breeding business. She knows that one day I’d like to become a judge. And you gotta have your name on some litters if you’re ever to become a judge. And there’s been other people I’ve met at shows who have told me they’d sell me a dog no problem. So I know there’s that option for me in addition to finding a yorkie from a rescue group or something like that.
One day I know I’m going to have to open my heart to another dog to help me, and also Théo, to heal from this. And I know I’d stick with yorkies. I really love the breed. |