Phil, I'm so very sorry to hear of yours and Bella's loss. And there's no greater loss than the loss of someone you love. I wish you peace and the ability to feel joy again at some point along your journey. I wish you and Bella love. In my mind and heart I send you and Bella love right this minute and a wish for more love as you move through this.
In the meantime, I did a search for "ways to interact with a pet while you're at work" and found several things--sort of a digital daycare--in my search. I'd post them here but I don't think we're supposed to. They're relatively pricey though.
Another thought that came to mind is a dog walker, someone who will come in and take Bella for a walk; some offer play time as well. That would break up her day some and let you know that at least some of her more immediate needs are taken care of. Your vet can give you good recommendations.
Dogs can be incredibly emotionally supportive. My husband and I have a Yorkie and she intuitively knows who's feeling bad and goes to that person and cuddles or lies next to him or her. If you're comfortable with it--some people aren't--you might invite Bella to sleep in your bed with you. (I personally like that but it's not for everyone.)
When the late Joan Rivers' husband committed suicide, someone later asked her how she got through it, she said you just have to keep pushing into tomorrow. Easier said than done but it seemed to work for her.
I can recommend an old book called How to Survive the Loss of a Love, 1977 by "melba, bloomfield harold h., & mc Williams, peter colgrove." One of the things I recall from it was the advice to not be afraid to lean into it, that your grief is not bottomless. I personally have had more problems from trying to not feel grief and putting on a brave face than from crying my eyes out for as long as it took.
This next bit may sound a bit corny, not to mention presumptuous, and I sometimes cringe when I hear people say it, but in this case I really believe it's true that your keeping Bella is what Walter would have wanted.
Take care and be patient with yourself.
Linda |