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Originally Posted by alaskayorkie  Your post both breaks my heart and gives me strength. I'm going through a possible end-of-life process with my 14-year-old. I share your love for a Yorkie. I hope I only have your wisdom to know when it's time.
I, too, second-guess my decisions and wish things could have turned out differently. What I don't second-guess in reading your post is that Bijou was loved throughout his life. When all is said and done, a dog can't ask for much better treatment than that.
Thanks for sharing your grief and your wisdom. Bijou has made you a better dog owner. Someday I hope you find another dog to fill the hole in your heart. |
Thank you so much! And I will say you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned strength. It takes a huge amount of strength to do it. It was for Bijou. And I wouldn’t have been able to do it unless it was for him. Even though I knew it was the best and right thing to do for him, and I believe I got the timing right, even with that it’s still incredibly traumatic. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I feel traumatized. I haven’t been able to eat. I don’t sleep well. And I’m bursting into tears all day long for the last number of days. It’s been so hard.
I think euthanasia for dementia is a bit different than in other cases such as untreatable horrible cancers or whatever other things where there’s no doubt that the humane thing to do is euthanize. In dementia the suffering and the pain isn’t really physical, it’s more emotional and mental. With dementia I think some dogs can cope with it better and it’s just an inconvenience but they still have lots of joy and quality of life. And Bijou was like that until his symptom severity intensified. And then there was lots of whimpering, shaking, and the barking really increased, and just lots of anxiety. And he lost his presence - his mental presence. If that makes any sense. He wasn’t enjoying life anymore. He was struggling to cope with the dementia.
It would’ve been more cruel of me to let him live like that. And I saw that it wasn’t just a few bad days in a row or a week. This was something that wasn’t gonna get better. He was now on a different level of dementia. From when he was awake to when he went to sleep, all he did was struggle with his symptoms. So it makes it easier knowing that I feel like I got the timing right. I would’ve had incredible guilt if I thought I was early or late with euthanizing him. Arguably I could say that the only bit of joy he showed near the end was that when he was hungry he’d show a preference for certain foods over others. He liked it when I bought him the baby burger from A&W. lol. So his taste buds were still working good. But I wasn’t gonna wait until he stops eating completely. It didn’t make sense to give that huge weight in my calculation of his quality of life. I can say with certainty that I’m very comfortable with my timing of euthanasia for Bijou.
When people say it’s a gift of love for your dog, that’s completely true. I know a groomer who was telling me about a 20 yr old dog a woman brings in, and the poor dog has no quality of life and is clearly suffering terribly, but the owner doesn’t believe in it or doesn’t have the strength to euthanize her dog. Many vets have stories like that too. And that’s just not right to me. As hard as it is, it really is a final gift of love for your pet. You just simply have to do what’s best for your dog, even if it’ll hurt worse than anything. I had 18 amazing beautiful healthy years with Bijou. I was lucky that he lived a healthy life for as long as he did. 18 is pretty old for a dog! Well, almost 18. His birthdate is Aug. 31.