[sukj12]

Dear Frodo:

First, I just want to say how much I adore you. You've brought such joy to the lives in my family that I cannot imagine a world without you.... really.

To ensure that the sentiment above is never jeapordized, I just came up with a few clarifications so that we're on the same page. Please consider the following points as constructive criticism - it is in no way meant to cause any hurt feelings, and in fact, was thought of with love and your best interests at heart (well, and ours...):

1. Let's talk about Wee-Wee pads for a second. I agree that it can get rather funny when you go all out crazy and shred paper - to see you in near hysterics over a napkin amuses me. However, there's a difference between tissues/napkins and the wee-wee pad. I will never give you a napkin/tissue the size of a wee-wee pad, and also, the wee-wee pads carry the scent of dog urine, and sometimes when you rip it up, it contains YOUR ACTUAL urine. Not so nice trying to clean that up. Try not to rip those up anymore, k?

2. Oh, and while we're talking about pee-peeing, I know I give you lots of little presents (toys, treats, etc.) and you feel so grateful that you'd like to give me something back. But pee-peeing in front of the bedroom door in hopes that my feet and socks will step right into it can often be mistaken for a funny incident when in fact, it kinda sucks for me. Yeah yeah, I know you only wanted to give me a nice present. But let's work on this. I gladly accept cuddling and many kisses!

3. The trash is not a place where I throw in disposable goods that I think you might enjoy when I'm not around. The toys I've bought you - the many,many, many toys I've bought you - are all over the house and we'll often interact with each other using the toys. I have no problem throwing the ball for you to catch or occasionally indulging you in a game of tug-of-war. But can we leave the trashcan alone? I know it might smell interesting to you, but please, no trash.

4. Sometimes, it's a little embarrassing when you parade my underwear, socks, and bras around the house, *especially* when we have company over. Don't get me wrong, I like to share my life with extended family and friends, but not that part of my life!

5. Isn't it so much fun to unroll the toilet paper off the roll and see how long you can drag it around the house without tearing it completely off?! It's like leaving a trail around the house so that people can find you!! So cute! Well, it was cute the first time you did it. However, at this point, I think our house has bought more toilet paper than anyone in this state and I'd like to ask you to cease this activity. Don't worry, we'll still find you around the house - your tags jingle, remember?

6. When I say things like: "Come here Frodo, come on, boy!" I'm not saying those things to exercise my vocal cords. I see that amused grin on your face as you deftly turn in the other direction when I call but these teenager-type attitudes are not so cool.

7. Lastly, let's talk about bedtime. I love it when you sleep in bed with me! You've done so since the first day you came home and it's cute. Except when you lay across my face. It's probably hilarious to see me struggling to breathe, as if I've laughed so hard I'm desperately trying to catch my breath. No, I'm not laughing when you do this, I'm actualy trying to live.

Well, Frodo, I hope this letter is enlightening and helpful. Feel free to answer my letter at your convenience (i.e. when you're not playing, eating, or sleeping).

Sincerely Yours,
Your Human Mother