[amberw725]

We lost him. My baby is gone. And I've never felt so devastated in my life. My heart is empty and so painful. I don't even want to me at home, it feels so empty without him.

His calcium levels were so low that he started having muscle twitching, so they opted to give him Calcium via IV to get it up quicker to avoid seizing. I went to see him and got to help the vet hold him and love on him while she bathed him (he kept having bad bouts of diarrhea) and kept him calm while she placed a new IV.

After this, I went to a room with him and offered him multiple foods. He kept refusing and coming up to me and pressing up next to my legs. I finally decided I was just going to snuggle him because that's what he was asking for.

I picked him up, head him against my chest and he fell asleep. He was so peaceful and content. I could've stayed there forever. Unfortunately I had to leave him so the vets and techs could continue treating him. I told him I had to leave so they could make him all better again so we could go bye bye! (the dog loved to go bye bye more than anything in this world!)

As I am getting home, I get a call from the vet that he has arrested and they are performing CPR and pushing emergency medications. He promised they were doing all they could, but he wanted me to know that once dogs arrest, it's rarely successful to get them back.

He called 5 minutes later to tell us they lost him.

My boyfriend and I went back up to the vet to get his things and to see him one last time. I think it helped to see him laying there so peaceful. While I know it wasn't him there, it comforted me that he wasn't uncomfortable or twitching or trying to find a good spot to lay to find comfort. I laid there with him and pet him until he started to get cold. My boyfriend finally decided that we should leave because that's not how we want to remember him.

Binky was my first pet, therefore he is the first pet I lost. I don't know how to cope with this. I feel as if I'll never get over it. I am numb and my heart literally hurts.

If you have any suggestions on how to cope with this huge loss, I'm all ears.