It's been 10 days now since Max passed away. The pain comes and goes but mostly comes. It honestly feels like he's still here. I found myself raising the front storm door shade a couple of times out of habit so he can see outside. I Didn't realize I had done it for a few hours. There was a pair of house shoes laying in the floor the other day and for a second I thought it was max as I caught a glance out of the corner of my eye. It's very lonely in the house now. Even with my wife and daughter in the same room the atmosphere is very gloomy. No one really talks now. It all happened so fast with max it just doesn't seem real even today. Everytime I think back to that evening I wonder if I could have done something or what did I do wrong. After he collapsed I felt helpless and didn't protect him when he needed me. All I could do is watch him go :'( I wish that I had never had to watch him die. I can't get it off my mind at all. He has gifts under the tree. He has a stocking and now he's gone. I wish Christmas would hurry and be over with this year. It just won't be the same. We have a big blow up santa in the living room and every year my daughter holds max and we take their picture together posing in front of Santa for the yearly growth chart. it's heartbreaking that he won't be in the picture this year. I hope he knew how much we all loved him. We didn't have a chance to really say it the night he died until after he was gone. If he's looking down from heaven I want him to know we love him and miss him dearly. |