Originally Posted by ckoeppel1  Thank you for asking. Ruby was 10 years old and was the love of my life. I work from home and she has been with me 24/7 since day one. She was the most human like animal I have ever owned, so sweet and loving. She followed me everywhere I went and looked at me with such endearing eyes. She was a very special dog and we had an unusual bond.
Ruby unfortunately had a ton of health issues. My husband and I made the conscious choice not to travel for 3 years in order to take care of her as we should. She had an enlarged heart, a heart murmur, enlarged liver, a malignant mast cell tumor, leukemia, IVDD, and chronic kidney failure. She was on a ton of medications and despite all her ailments she had a great quality of life. We were able to maintain everything, and in fact, her last oncology appointment showed the Palladia (oral chemo) was working because she only had one mast cell remaining in her blood. Also her heart had shrunk and her congestive heart failure was stable.
When we went to her first check up following the start of Palladia her kidney levels were increased but not alarming. We had a one month follow up and her kidney levels increased to stage 2 kidney failure. Prior to that she had 5 doses of Rimadyl for inflammation treating her IVDD. It was the "straw that broke the camel's back" and began destroying her kidneys. The oncologist cut her dosage back on the Palladia and scheduled a two week visit, but we didn't make it. She began refusing food and water and didn't do much but lay around. I did everything I could to get to her to eat and gave her water through a syringe. She concerned me all weekend and this past Monday I decided to take her to the vet. I was suspicious of pancreatitis because I gave her a few crackers in her food to try to get her to eat and administered her pills in tiny pieces of cheese. Keep in mind, she was on 14 meds per day (too much).
The vet diagnosed her with a mild case of pancreatitis on Monday and did blood work to test her kidney values. Her creatinine was so high the machine couldn't read it and her BUN was 81. She was in stage 4 kidney failure. The vet gave her a bupronex shot for pain and asked me euthanize her on the spot. I couldn't do that or make that decision because I was completely overwhelmed with heartache.
I took Ruby home and put her in her bed. She was groggy all day and night. I slept on the floor by her that night and she threw up and had diarrhea a few times. Tuesday morning she woke up a little more alert but still wouldn't eat or drink and just laid around. I bought some Pepcid AC for her nausea and gave her two doses that day. Again I slept on the floor by her during the night and she attempted getting out of her bed and collapsed. I knew the next morning we needed to put her at peace. Every evening since my husband and I moved in our house we have sat on the bench on our front porch talking and watching Ruby stare down slugs and bugs for hours. It was the highlight of her day! We were able to do that one more time before she went.
It was important for my whole family to be together to do this because Ruby was special to everyone. My husband and two daughters met me at the clinic. Every night before bedtime I would sing Ruby a lullaby "You are my sunshine" and she would fall asleep just like a baby. I was able to hold her in the clinic and sing her that lullaby one last time. My family was all in tears including my husband. I was simply in shock and actually felt her heart beat for the last time. I am haunted by that and just seeing her dead.
Sorry for all the detail, but my family has moved on and I am still grieving so I have few people to talk to about this. I am having an extremely hard time letting go and am dealing with guilt of giving her Rimadyl and Pepcid AC, both which are hard on her kidneys. I know she is no longer in pain and is still with me in spirit, but I physically wish I could love and kiss on my baby. My house is so empty and my heart is shattered. I am trying to focus on the memories but it is extremely difficult.
I wrote a poem to her and took it to the clinic that dreadful day. She went with this tucked in with her and her doggie blanket.
"So this is where we part, my sweet Ruby,
And you’ll run on, around the bend.
Gone from sight, but not from mind,
new pleasure there you’ll surely find.
I will go on; I will try to find the strength,
Life measures quality, not its length.
One long embrace before you leave,
Share one last look, before I grieve.
There are others, that much is true,
But they be they, and they aren't you.
And I, fair, impartial, or so I thought,
Will remember well all you’ve taught.
Your place I’ll hold, you will be missed,
The fur I stroked, the nose I kissed.
And as you journey to your final rest.
Take with you this…I loved you best."
I appreciate all the condolences. It is like losing a family member and I hope I find the strength to be kind to myself and know Ruby is in a much better place. I just can't wait to see her again! |