[Mee-sha]

No one understands the pain I'm in right now, so I thought you guys might,I'm sorry this is so long, I have no one to talk to about this, everyone thinks she is just a dog, just go get another one, that makes it so much worse. Yesterday afternoon I lost my sweet fur child meesha to collapsed trachea.she was only 4 years old, was diagnosed around 3 years old, I was managing her with meds, I did everything possible for her, she had a great day on wed, played with her toys and ball and ate food, on Thursday afternoon out of nowhere she had a breathing episode she never recovered from, it happened in minutes, it was traumatizing, I thought I still had longer with her. I never knew I could ever feel pain this deep, her and I had a special bond unlike any animal I've ever had, she was my whole world and now it feels as if someone ripped my heart out, she's been stuck to me like glue since I got her, I could read what she wanted by just looking at her, she was my furry little soulmate and now she's gone. Warning: This might be graphic ...but As soon as she pooped herself and the saliava started foaming at her mouth , she was gasping and walking around disoriented,she held her head on her paw breathing heavier than I've ever seen before then her body went limp and I kept thinking she was dead she looked frozen and her eyes were focused and glossy and not blinking, then she'd gasp and gasp , then it would happen again shed freeze and And her paws stretched out straight , I would think she was gone but about 30 seconds later shed gasp again multiple times , I had no time to get her to the vet, her tounge went completely blue, I opened the window for fresh air to blow at her and I just sang to her mommy is here with you, it's ok, as I stroked her head and kissed her, then just like that she took 2 final quiet gasps and was gone. I am traumatized , I had no signs she was getting that bad, I heard some dogs could live with ct for a long time, if I would have known I would have euthanized her sooner so She didn't have to go through that, she is buried in my back yard now, with all her favourite things. I've been crying so hard non stop since yesterday afternoon, I don't think I can get over this. What's worse is that she has a 3 year old Yorkie brother , they were so bonded and now he is devastated too, he keeps barking for her thinking she'll come running to see what's up like she always did, they would kiss eachother all the time , go potty at the same time, drink and play and eat at the same time, and play with one another when they were bored, she'd steal his toy n wag her tail about it, she was a saucy little girl with a big personality that light up every room,I don't know how to cope, or how her brother can cope. This is my worst nightmare come true, she was the biggest part of my life these past 4 years, my whole world revolved around her , she helped me through some of the hardest times of my life, she made my everyday so happy n full of life,and I can't take this pain, it's worse than imaginable and my heart is just breaking for her little brother I don't know what to do to help him, any suggestions? Sorry about all the misspellings I can't stop crying, I just needed people to talk to about this, I've been reading forums for hours, thinking if there was anything I could have done differently, why did she keep freezing up like that at the end? I've googled that for hours but found no answers, I've also googled how to cope with this but nothing helps, it's so quiet n empty n I dunno what to do with myself , I can't eat or sleep and the pain is unbearable. What do I do? Is this pain normal? I feel like I've completely lost it