I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Please don't blame yourself. You took her to the vet; you did all you could do. You obviously love her and took good care of her.
I had a pup who got cancer, and it broke my heart. I looked for things I might have done wrong or things I could have done better. It's no use and it only makes you feel worse, as if you did this to your baby. It's not the truth. It's just the mind trying to make sense of it.
It just happened. Cancer just happens. In people, in dogs. If Milk Bones products caused cancer we would have heard of it a long, long time ago.
Instead of blaming yourself for something you did not cause, think of the good life you gave her. I can tell she was very much loved.
Take care of yourself. You will never forget her, nor would you want to, but it will not always hurt like this.
I can still tear up remembering my baby I had to put down in 2006, though I have two others now that I love dearly. But I only feel sad when I spend a while thinking about and remembering his death as I am right now as I type this.
Right now I'm sure you can think of little else than your lost little one, but as the days pass, your mind will again begin to focus on other things in your life. Right now it's as if all you can see is darkness. As the time passes, you will see little dots of white in the darkness--when, for example, you find yourself laughing at something or enjoying something. As time continues there will be more and more of the white dots until the blackness is no more.
She will still be in your heart but there will be space for joy in life. There are many, many people here who have been where you are now and our hearts go out to you. The YorkieTalk members are wonderfully supportive and will help you through this. You are not alone.
When I put my baby down his vet called me that evening to offer her condolences. She asked me if I ever thought I saw him (my pup) out of the corner of my eye. She said she really believed that they remain with us, that their little souls survive and keep us company. Some people believe this; others don't. Either way, the memories of the time you spent and the love you have will always be with you. And in time the joyful moments you remember will supplant the aching in your heart. |