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Originally Posted by addison45  When I was young I thought I knew all the answers. We all have to accept responsibility for our posting styles. I reacted to a post yesterday and posted back and got a heated response. I had to own up to myself that my post contributed to the reply. We all are accountable for a actions and the resulting reactions. |
This thread is a year long. I have signed up on this forum at two separate seasons in my life because the first time I was completely judged incorrectly by people who absolutely assumed the worst and unimaginable of me. Completely ironic if they even knew me in person they'd never have written what they wrote.
This second time I signed in only to remember why I had left the first time years ago. Here this long thread with hundreds of posts for the very same reason. Recently, I figured no one ever spoke up and someone ought to only later to read in the same thread that this is an on going problem here. What a shame.
I post on a couple of other forums. One of which could be a lot of fun but because people DO know who I am, they are constantly attacking my faith, twisting and writing the most horrible things that I wished I had never read. Finally, this last weekend, after starting a thread about this Christmas, I was attacked about my belief in Jesus the Messiah only for mentioning that I decorated my Christmas tree and no more. I had to stop and think, what is it about forums? Why do the crush me so? I just don't get it because no one, not even the drunks in my town that may write awful things about me would act that way to me in person, to my face. In fact, they'd like to eat my cake and pizza. haha So why do forums bring out the worst in me? I can't even debate! My grammar sucks, I have dyslexia so often leave out words in my sentences, I love run-ons and misspell.
Here's the conclusion I made about myself and wrote my thoughts out to someone that sent me a pm telling me how they loved Christmas, thought it was sweet that I had decorated early and to ignore the negative ones. Maybe it will help someone else who finds it difficult to respond when feeling attacked and isn't thick skinned. I'm not thick skinned at all and will walk the other way if I think there will be a confrontation. I don't like complaining and I don't like stress.
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With regards to paying attention to the negative ones, I think I finally realized something today. Although I'm extremely persistent I can be slow at catching on. Just a little! I'm not sure if you have ever heard of the 5 love languages which people generally have. They are the ways that people receive love. They are: 1. acts of service 2. words of affirmation 3. physical touch 4. gifts(receiving gifts) and 5. quality time
People will have a mix but generally there is one that is more prevalent than the other. I definitely am words of affirmation. What I realized is that for people whose love language are words of affirmation, online forums are not the place to hang out! lolol Because if there is a strong disapproval or put down, it really makes the person feel crushed. It makes a lot of sense to me. I suspect that those who enjoy bullying, their love language is anything but words of affirmation. I wonder what the bully hopes to prove by being a bully while doing it other than revealing that hurting people, hurt people. It's hard to love people that are hurting you but we have to look past it.
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I wonder how many of us that have felt crushed and attacked on any forum, including this one, are people whose love language is strongly words of affirmation? Those who attack, well, I don't know what their love language is but it would not be words of affirmation cause they couldn't give a hoot about the response they may get to attacking, bullying or feeling that they have put someone in their place.