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Originally Posted by LindaLS  I am so sorry I just let loose like I did yesterday. But I can tell by your responses you all understand. Immediately upon writing that I began praying and than went out and apologized to my husband. Yes he is hurting also. We have been married 45 years this coming Aug and this is not the first bumps in the road for us.
But of course he doesn't feel the same about Hanna as I do although he has always been good to her.
Last night I let her out and when she came back in she got half way up the steps and just stopped and starred at me. I called her up but she wouldn't move, just looked at me, like "what am I suppose to do now?" I didn't dare go down to her cuz she looked like she was about to flee (our yard is fenced she couldn't go anyplace) but her back legs don't work so well and I was afraid she would try to back off and run and fall and hurt herself. Finally I went back in the house and stood by the door where she couldn't see me and she came on up the porch. I opened the door and she came in as if nothing unusual had happened.
I am going to take her into the vet this week and see how her heart is and talk to her about Hannas progress and what I should be doing. I read somewhere awhile back that I should write down five things Hanna loves and when you have to mark off three of those things it is time to let go. Well yesterday I had to mark off traveling. (I admit I'm not sure I could ever let go but this gives me an idea of her progress) I have also been keeping a journal on her progress cuz sometimes you forget things. I learned this when my daughter was in a near fatal car accident.
I can leave her here when I need to go she is still quite comfortable at home. She is really never alone as I have Tiffany also but I wouldn't be gone for long.
Thank you all for the encouragement. I'm not as bad today but of course we will get through this, I am very happy to have you here. |
You never need to apologize for sharing your grief here! We are a board that supports one another in this aching time.
You should read how myself and many have shared the agonizing loss of our dogs and human loved ones and how we leaned on each other.
I think that marking 5 things that she loves do and then tracking that - is a reasoned way of looking at things. But sometimes our hearts do not respond to reason as well as our brain does. So if your heart speaks up and gives you a clear message - don't fret if she has not reached a magic number of 3! I would say listen to your heart.
When our young Zoey died - hubby and I knew it was likely coming - she had an aggressive cancer - and both of us said - we would not let her live in pain. And that Friday night - when arriving home after a meal out - we both knew it was now time! She so wanted to stay with us - I made her as comfortable as I could during that one night - and we had a magical time as a pack saying good-bye over and over again in the morning light. She spent the night in my arms - with healing touch and light surrounding her - (she also had pain killers too).
My advice is to lean on your Hanna. Yeah that's right - the last thing they will ever lose is the recognition of loves' touch. I know this very well. You both need each other more than ever now.
You see in the story you told - about recognizing Hannas' fear of moving forward - and you backing away - Lady that was the absolute bestest thing you could do for your loved one. I believe your heart guided you in this instinctive response. So trust in your heart.
Sending and giving more hugs and light to you and your family ((((( )))))