I am so sorry I just let loose like I did yesterday. But I can tell by your responses you all understand. Immediately upon writing that I began praying and than went out and apologized to my husband. Yes he is hurting also. We have been married 45 years this coming Aug and this is not the first bumps in the road for us.
But of course he doesn't feel the same about Hanna as I do although he has always been good to her.
Last night I let her out and when she came back in she got half way up the steps and just stopped and starred at me. I called her up but she wouldn't move, just looked at me, like "what am I suppose to do now?" I didn't dare go down to her cuz she looked like she was about to flee (our yard is fenced she couldn't go anyplace) but her back legs don't work so well and I was afraid she would try to back off and run and fall and hurt herself. Finally I went back in the house and stood by the door where she couldn't see me and she came on up the porch. I opened the door and she came in as if nothing unusual had happened.
I am going to take her into the vet this week and see how her heart is and talk to her about Hannas progress and what I should be doing. I read somewhere awhile back that I should write down five things Hanna loves and when you have to mark off three of those things it is time to let go. Well yesterday I had to mark off traveling. (I admit I'm not sure I could ever let go but this gives me an idea of her progress) I have also been keeping a journal on her progress cuz sometimes you forget things. I learned this when my daughter was in a near fatal car accident.
I can leave her here when I need to go she is still quite comfortable at home. She is really never alone as I have Tiffany also but I wouldn't be gone for long.
Thank you all for the encouragement. I'm not as bad today but of course we will get through this, I am very happy to have you here. |