Aw I am so so sorry to hear you are going through this. Yes, I have been in your shoes a few times, but I lost the little love of my life puppy in January after actually a pretty short term illness...in his case the cure caused his death. I do have a tough time thinking of him and being so angry at myself that I put him through the surgery. I never thought in a million years it would lead to his death. He was 15, so yes I know..I know he was old. My regret is not just managing pain and not having the surgery and the horrid results afterwards
Right now, I am in the process of losing my Harry..Georges brother. He will be the last of my little Shih Tzu 3pack. He has cancer as well as early stage congestive heart failure. I have made a decision to let him live his life without medical intervention this time. I will treat his symptoms according to what the vet has put him on, but I will not put him through any surgeries or treatments that will cause him pain or misery or low quality of life. Its the hardest thing to go through. I thought I was going to lose him last week but he's a bit better after being on his new meds. I spoil him like crazy and have vowed to make the end of his life as sweet as possible. Something I read after I lost George broke my heart...for real. It was from someone else who was having her last day with her beloved dog....So, she took her for a hamburger and ice cream sundae before going to the vet. I was upset because I didnt think of giving George a last treat
That makes me cry right now. I made Harry a steak the other night, lol. The whole thing, and let him go out on the deck in peace, away from the puppy and he loved it! He gnawed on the bone for a long long time...a little yap at the occasional squirrel or rabbit, then back to the bone. Bless his heart, nothing kills his appetite. So, I guess what I'm suggesting is that you find the thing your little baby loves most and spend time loving her and letting her enjoy those few forbidden treats
If I were there I would give you the biggest hug in the world, and probably cry with you..xoxo. Be as strong as you can, and cry as much as you want.
I dont think pills will really do much to make the pain go away. I tried that before and it doesnt even numb the pain, it just postpones it. I guess I would rather feel the pain of losing a beloved then not feel it at all. If that makes any sense. In a weird way, whenever I think of something about George or see a picture of him..I instantly tear up and cry..and then I say hi to him, and I still love you Georgie boy, lol. crazy but I tell myself that he's still there at the bridge just waiting, and he sees and hears me. I loved all the pets I've lost, but he was my little soul mate dog
I've bonded to Sunni the same way, so I think even that was Georges doing.