[oneofakind864]

Aw Hon... I empathize with you. When Chanel was slowly going down with Kidney Disease I felt ALL of those feelings. The last year I was so sleep deprived from getting up with her in the night. But I came to cherish those moments because I knew I wouldn't have many of them left. The bad days gradually outnumbered the good and I began to watch for signs that I might need to make a tough decision. And then each day was started with the question " Will it be today"? I would wake up and watch her for signs of pain, signs of pulling away from us, Loss of appetite etc. And if she woke up and did " Happy rubs and head butts" I would think " Thank God it won't be today"

The day she died she got up and gave me happy rubs, and indicated she had to go. ANd I thought " THank god it won't be today" Again. But She hadn't been eating well. I took her to the vet and he confirmed she didn't look good but also didn't seem to be in any pain and told me to take her home. Shortly after I got home and was snuggling with her. She started breathing harder. I laid down and put her on my chest and that seemed to help. But an hour or so later I noticed her heart rate had slowed down considerably and her little body seemed colder. My heart dropped because I knew then.. "It would be today" and it was actively happening right then.

I wrapped us both up in a heating blanket and stroked her and told her continually how good she was and how much I loved her and it was OK to go. She died in my arms 2 hours later. I didn't know tear ducts could work that hard.


I beat myself up wondering " Maybe if I had had more blood work done" ...."Maybe a different Vet could have done more".... "Maybe I could have fed her a different dog food when she was a puppy" it is amazing the many ways we can find to second guess ourselves and to heap guilt on our loving actions. Ask your vet if there is anything ELSE YOU can possibly do. If you think another vet might be able to offer a second opinion or additional suggestions- get one. Spend some extra time with Tink loving on her, playing with her and just treasuring the time you have with her. The time I devoted to Chanel making sure she knew she was loved and treasured helped me more than anything. And looking back...the only thing I can think of that *might* have made me feel better was had I gotten a second opinion about the treatments we were giving Chanel the last year or so. Not that I Don't trust my vet...but just to have made double sure "There was nothing more I could have done" ... that might have helped. But I am sure I would still think of ways to beat myself up.

Follow your heart and just do the best that you can think of to do for her. You'll know when you have done everything. But most importantly...if it were me, I wouldn't numb myself from being able to enjoy the precious time you do have. Save that for after she is gone.

My heart TRULY breaks for you..but Tink has a Momma who loves her to pieces and she knows you do. She also knows you will do everything you can for her. But there is a limit to what you can do. SO be kind to yourself once you know you have done everything you can... just love her. And seriously...spend more time holding her and snuggling with her. it will help both of you.

Not sure if this is what you were looking for with this post and it is only my opinion. but I have been through a terminal illness with a loved pet and feel your pain so I hope it helps a little.


Big hugs.