[LunarBerry]

I'm so sorry to hear you've still been hurting. Since I last emailed you, our family had to make the hard decision recently to put down our smaller jack russell, Mila. She was around 8-9 years old. The vet strongly believed she had diabetes and was very sick. The cost to not only try to save her by taking her to a university (and that wasn't 100% guaranteed) would've been 2k-3k and afterwards, she might need a strict schedule of medicine and feedings as well for the rest of her life. To stray from it would land her back in the vet. Since she was my more my mother's furbaby, she had to make the final decision (even though I was willing and have tried to make the arrangements have her treated).
In the end she chose to let her go. It was a hard and long decision, but we at least had the chance to say a proper goodbye and to give her a quick and painless end. I believe having that closer and being able to offer a peaceful end has made it easier for me, especially my mother, to be at peace with it. Trust me, it's worse watching them suffer and not being able to do anything about it, at all (and we've been through that more than we'd like to).