[matese]

I can only repeat what Dayswalters and MarkFromSea has suggested. You cannot go on blaming your self and holding that tragedy in your heart, it will undo anything. You can never replace a a pup, and how I hate to use the word "replace", each dog has their own little personalities, their own ways,you have lots of love to share, you have an empty space in your heart that needs to be filled. Don't deny yourself the love of another little friend. My girl had to be put down 17 months ago, she was 17 y/o, she was blind, deaf and incontinent but was healthy, good appetite,nothing physically wrong with her, we had to find new ways to play due to her blindness. Then one day she doesn't eat, I hand feed her, she takes a little food on and off, the next 2 days the same thing but now had diarrhea and fear of dehydrating sets in , off to ER we go. She is kept for 7 days on IV, I visit daily 11AM is visiting time , I get daily reports, she's showing improvement, eats a little, drinks a little, poop shows signs of being a bit more solid, she may come home in a day or 2. Then I get a report eats a bit, but diarrhea is back. Everyday I visit her she has lost more weight, I ask a tech, PLEASE tell me if she will ever come home, tech says YES, it looks very promising. Day 7 I get a call at 10AM from the tech I am working with, she tells me"you must come in and say your good byes,you have to put Matese down" I am in shock, screaming on the phone they must be wrong, they told me she was coming home.The tech said she is in pain, her body organs are shutting down, diarrhea is just pouring out of her. In a nut shell. I went to say my good byes, held her close and tight, whispered in her ear she was momma's good girl, the tech injected her and ended her life. I was beyond devastated. Cut to the chase....the next week crying, in shock, depressed, I took everything dog related even stuff from my past puppies and donated to my local no kill shelter, 3 truck loads of over a period of 3 days. I swore no more dogs, the pain in my heart was too over whelming, I couldn't take loosing another pup. I cried from loosing my best friend of 17 years and the last of my little pack, I cried because I didn't know if I could live without a dog in my life, I cried because of the loneliness and emptiness i felt, I cried because my house was not a home anymore. I was sick for 6 weeks saying over and over to myself, ppl say time heals all wounds, but how much time does it take, I was in a very dark place, and that is just not who I am, and was getting more depressed with myself I couldn't drive my car, I was a hazard on the road, my mind was always drifting back to THAT phone call. Then 6 weeks after loosing my little girl I get a phone call from my vet, they had just gotten in a 2 1/2 y/o male yorkie, not an abused dog, he reminded her of Matese, she asked me to come and look at the dog. I gave her all the reasons I didn't / couldn't have another dog,besides all my babies were only females, I didn't want a male because of their marking, she said he was neutered, some mark, some do not. She kept saying "just come and see the dog". Out of respect for my wonderful vet that cared so well for my Matese, and gave me so many more years with her, and for my vet to think of me when this dog came in, I felt let me appease her and just go see this dog, I knew I was not going to take him.I went, I saw, and he came home with me. I tell you this story to let you know, this dog rescued me, he helped me heal from the loss of my sweet baby girl, he filled that hole in my heart, gave me back my life, pulled me out of that very dark place, made my house a home again, he is my miracle boy. He is with me 16 months now and I love him dearly for saving me. I believe this is what you need, to love and share your life once more with a little furbutt. Maybe a puppy is not what you would want, a rescue is sooooo rewarding, you lost your baby in a tragic way,why not now SAVE a dog, give a shelter dog a new, loving life, I can guarantee you, you will not be sorry. Two years is a long time to beat yourself up, it's time to open your heart, to forgive yourself, your baby would want to see you happy, not sad and punish your self like this. Save a baby. Please think about it.(((HUGS)))