I get the guilt.
My first 'baby' (not a yorkie) was 12 when I noticed a lump in his belly when I was giving him a haircut. The lump only showed up when he was relaxed and on his back. I took him to the vet and got the "could be a fat lump, he's getting old, small chance it's a tumor on the spleen" but I never got it x-rayed as I had an abusive spouse at the time who refused to spend the extra money on an old dog. The vet was pretty certain that it was just a fat lump though, so I didn't pursue it. 8 months later, he started acting strange one night, like he was weak and dizzy. I had to carry him outside to do his business for a day or 2 then he seemed to recover completely. A few months after that I left him with my parents while we went on vacation, and the day we returned he was not there - 30 min earlier my mom rushed him to the vet as he had completely collapsed. That vet said it was certainly a tumor on his spleen and that he would likely die that day. He said surgery wouldn't save him at this point (my parents offered to pay for it). I took him home and had him put to sleep the next day as he was so weak he couldn't stand up.
He went very quickly and peacefully. One minute he was looking at me and giving me kisses, then he lowered his head, closed his eyes and was gone that quickly.
I often wished I would've pushed to have him x-rayed even though it would've meant a huge fight with aforementioned spouse. Perhaps he could've had surgery and come out of it and had many more years with me. I'll never know, although I was told even before symptoms the type of surgery he needed was a 50/50 chance at best.
My condolences to you. |