It's been almost three months and here I am, on a perfectly normal Sunday, writing here again because a simple memory broke me down and the pain feels just as fresh. Rosie, it's no easier today. We miss you every single day...not a single day has gone by that we haven't thought of our little angel. I see you in the flowers, in the clouds, in the sunshine, in in the rain, in your sister. When I lay in bed I seek my tiny ball of warmth and you're not there. I remember your smallness, your quietness, and it makes me cry because a very tiny part of my heart is just...missing, and even Luma can't fix that. After all, she's Luma. She's not Rosie. Too big, too loud, too fast, to be the tiny angel I'm missing. But she knows me so well...she knows when mommy is thinking of sissy, bc she all of a sudden won't leave my side and she stares at me while I cry and she licks the tears. She's trying to fix it and I haven't been letting her. I push her away sometimes but truthfully I am so glad I have her still because I'd be lost completely if not for her. And I am lucky because most people who have lost a pet never get to see them again...but you two were true sisters, so I see both of you in her beautiful face. I dream about you sometimes and I always wake up smiling. Your ID tag is still sitting on my desk. You are gone but at the same time you're everywhere. I wish I could hold you again for just a single second.
We got an opportunity handed to us a few weeks back to potentially have another pup come into our life, a pup who needed a second chance at their forever home, but I just couldn't bear it. I couldn't do it. I hope some day I can allow another addition to our family but right now it's too much to even consider. It hurts. We miss you. |