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Originally Posted by Carmeow  While we may have gained some closure, the pain is no less...I dreamed of Rosie again last night, that is twice she has visited me in my sleep now. She was herself: small, sweet, so pretty. I am grateful. However, no matter how many times I see her in my dreams I will never hold her in my arms again, I will never feel how soft her hair is, I'll never feel her tongue lick my hands, or feel her warmth at night. She won't stare at me with her tongue poking out and I won't hear Luma and her talking back and forth in the middle of the night.
I know I'm being selfish and self pitying. I should be grateful for the small amount of time we shared...but this pain is still so new and fresh I feel the same right now as the day she passed. If not worse. I don't know how to make the pain stop. I decided to make a smilebox to remember the many memories...I smiled and laughed as I went through my computer files putting it together but as I played back the final product I sobbed, hard, and couldn't stop staring at her gorgeous little face and regretting everything that's happened. Now I feel more empty inside than ever. I feel like it was a terrible mistake to put her to sleep sometimes. I mean, looking at these pictures she did NOT look sick...at all...and we cut her life short...I know she was in pain on her final days and we helped her go to Heaven, I know we did it selflessly, I know it was the right thing to do. But I keep wishing we had had all the money in the world to fix her. Rosie I am so sorry...I can't take this..I miss you Rosie. I'm sorry. |
Carmen, if money were the issue, I promise you I would have made sure she was taken care of. I spoke with the vet and Rosie was an extremely sick little one and even if she had pulled out of it that day, it would have been short lived. Her prognosis was grim. She had multiple and very serious issues.
Please don't do this to yourself. You did all that you could do. Yes, money was an issue yet you put her before your feelings and you were willing to surrender her to someone who could care for her. When the vet explained to me how bad she was I knew it was only a matter of time and I felt it best for her to pass in the arms of the people who loved her on this earth....not with me or another stranger a day or days later.
I pray that you will find peace with this. You gave your girl the final gift of love and let her go peacefully.