You eating first should not matter IMO. Keeping them separated and letting them both know it's meal time and setting that routine is the most important thing right now. I like the idea they are getting potty and play time immediately afterward. Just keep the routine consistent and things will get better. I still think you need to put the harness and leash on her while they are eating and just step on it if she move and tell her to finish eating. That way without ever touching her you will still be in control while she doesn't realize that you are.
There is a book that I have recommend in the past called Let the Dog Decide. He explains in his training technique if you allow the dog to think they are deciding for themselves while controlling their behavior it works very well. Here's a link and I would suggest you purchase it. The techniques in the book really helped when I was having issues with Pebbles.
http://www.amazon.com/Let-Decide-Revolutionary-15-...