Originally Posted by yorkietalkjilly  This sounds like a different dog than the one you described in the original post and tells a more complete story of your dog. He's stressed, anxious, distrusting of people and keeping on trying to control him is having the opposite effect of gaining control - it's scaring him and making him wary of you. You two need a reset - a time of allowing him to learn to slowly trust you. After that session you described of trying to keep putting him into a submissive position until you just gave up, this little guy realizes you are not right now a natural leader, senses your lack of how to interact with and help him in the state he's in after having been moved from home to home and learning that people are not be trusted and is likely expecting you are going to be trying to put him into a submissive position or other controlling things that make him anxious and unsure of you and wants to stay in a safe place away from you for the time being. That is why he loves the solace of the bathroom. He feels safer there.
Don't worry, you did what you thought was right but it was wrong for this dog at this time in his life, failed completely and scared him and he and you both know that method isn't working and he's just trying to stay away from someone who he doesn't think has any idea how to deal with him right now. Oh, how we've all been there! We've all messed up as dog owners but dogs are eternally forgiving, given half a chance. We often present those type pictures to our dogs when we are inexperienced with troubled, anxious, unsure dogs and many of us make some mistakes that even exacerbate the problem but in time, you two can work through it and form a lasting, trusting bond. All is not lost and you two can simply reset your relationship if you are patient and willing to give him the time to heal and gain trust in you. It should take about two months of ignoring him, for starters! Sounds odd? That's the best way to help him right now. Give him his space.
For the present, I'd just ignore him and give him time to get over the trying to control and subdue him which he undoubtedly doesn't like or appreciate(as he distrusts people as it is) and made him unsure of you as he didn't understand what you were trying to do or why. Just allow him to be - let him stay in his safe place and go about your day, even should he come into the room where you are, just briefly look his way, smile and go on with what you were doing. He will begin feeling safe again given enough time - sensing that you won't do odd or scary things or try to assert yourself over him any more and that you have changed your approach. He'll learn that you lead the fun, gentle, rewarding way and want to come along with you as his trust builds.
Just allow him this time to heal and settle down and absorb that things won't ever get drastic again and in time, he'll slowly begin to come around you or check on you and go away again. Your job is to just act aloof - like an alpha dog leader does with his pack. He stays above the fray and the underlings all come currying favor from him, licking his lips, fawning and approaching him with heads and tails down, showing him they are not a threat but he still stays aloof and shows them he's above them. Try to act like that - as hard as it is with a cute Yorkie near you. You want him to want to approach you and in time, he'll come to understand that all the moves are his to make. He'll begin to trust you not to make odd moves on him or scare him. Dogs who are not fearful crave companionship and actually prefer to be in the room with their companion, usually actually touching their companion during times of relaxation.
In time, when he's healed and more trusting of you because you've given him his space and time, he'll begin to approach you and seek out more of a relationship - real companionship. This is your time to not go crazy and give him a flurry of hugs and kisses - that could set him back and trigger old sensations of your trying to manually control him. Just reward his attentions with a smile, even a pat if he's put his head into your hand and then leave him alone and go back to acting aloof. Make him work at getting your attention and let him know that he's in control (for the time being) of who approaches whom and when. It will give him the sense of security and trust in you he needs if you will treat him like this - allowing him to do all the flirting and asking for attention. Don't worry - you won't be sending bad lessons to your dog he's in control in the home - quite the contrary - you'll be acting like an alpha leader and making your dog curry favor with you and seek you out - work to get your attention.
After a couple of months of this, if this were my dog, I'd then begin to reward his approaches with a treat and gentle praise. Now, he's going to love that - he'll begin to come in more frequently in order to get his treat and positive reinforcement as long as you keep it to simply the treat, a smile, pat and a gentle word and then get busy doing something else - always leaving him wanting more for the time being. Keep your interactions with him non-threatening and unexciting and low key for the next two months now that he's wanting your attentions but every time he comes near you and touches you, treat and praise him in your very low key manner. When he's begun coming around frequently and doesn't leave the room when you arise from your chair or make expensive gestures, you will know he's over the fear or distrust of you to a large extent but will still remember the bad times for the next year or so and any moves you make that begin to mimic controlling him may trigger him running off to the bathroom and staying.
That's all you need to do for the next two months - ignore him for two months or so and when he's healed and begins to seek your attentions out, begin to treat and reward him when he approaches but keep it low key and simple.
After two months of that type re-orientation training using the treats and praise of his coming around and wanting interaction, slowly building trust, you should have rehabbed his trust and belief in you to a point that you can then begin to work with him in a few simple obedience commands, teaching him things he needs to learn to be safe and showing him how fun it is to work together for something - a goal of working together to learn obedience for a treat and your praise and he'll begin to gain control of his impulses and love the instant gratification he gets from your treat and praise when he gets his command right. Keep your training to short 5 minute sessions, make it fun and keep it upbeat, using an upbeat tone of voice to speak the commands rather then issuing military-toned commands that sound threatening to many dogs as many trainers tend to do. Dogs love to work learning new things and in time, they actually learn to delay self-gratification and control themselves and do what you want in order to get a greater reward and your praise when he's done what you're teaching him. Over months, their brains become used to doing what we say and they become habituated to obeying us, sort of like Pavlov's dogs, they just obey almost by rote and always because the positive reinforcement in waiting for them - our smile, pride, the treat and happiness. They love all aspects of training when it's fun, loving, gentle and patient and brings them lots of gratification and rewards. You'll love it, too, and you'll love the dog you are reshaping and creating before your very eyes. Obedience training and setting boundaries can totally bring you a wonderful new pet in no time once he's been gently brought through the building his trust and self-confidence through the method I've described above.
After each training session, let him outside to run off his stress and have a good play session with him tossing a ball or squeaking all his toys and tossing them to him one at a time or however he enjoys playing. Then a gentle pat, a smile and give him a treat and say "That's all for today" and he'll likely want a nap now.
That's how I would approach this dog if he were in my home given the experiences you've related and see if this won't reset his opinion of you and your leadership skills and bring about a new, trusting relationship. |