Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, and confidence in me, as I feel like the MOST horrible Dad in the world to my sweet little guy, my Riley. I have only been on this site for a few hours, but all of your responses and suggestions have brought me to tears. And, it is hard for a male to reveal when he is reduced to tears, but I am typing through a haze of them at present. (I did not want to go to sleep without expressing my sincerest gratitude and appreciation for you all. Truly.)
I am in horrific pain physically, but it is my mind - racing about my precious Riley - that is making me the most sick, I believe. Knowing that I am not alone on here makes me feel an ounce better (most family and close friends are either gone, bless their souls, or geographically so incredibly far away).
YorkieTalk is a very special place, clearly.
My brain is running scenarios about my baby boy, Riley - who is my heart, at Olympic speed. Long term, with so much uncertainty ahead for me, I am SO fearful he will not be cared for properly, as my health will invariably decline (tears again). I am afraid I will not be able to continue to give him my heart, and every fiber of my being, as I have and promised to do forever. I know so many people have so many things going on, and I pray for you all, as my new family of friends. I will continue to pray for my baby, and clarity, and unfamiliar to my nature, myself.
Thank you all, and I'm so sorry to have introduced myself on such a negative note. I have just been keeping this all inside for so long, and didn't know where I could get it out in a safe, nurturing, non-judgmental environment. Knowing I will be turning another year older next week, I promised myself to be strong and vulnerable this afternoon after an exhausting week of treatment which I'm afraid will only eat away at me more soon.
I didn't expect anyone to reply to me, but you all have restored my faith in humanity, just when I feel lower than low. I truly don't know what to do or who to turn to anymore, so any help, I will always be so thankful for.
It is so hard to be alone in this. |