Hi there everyone,
I hate to even type this, as my heart breaks more and more putting my situation in words. My name is Steve, and I recently opened my heart and home to the most loving, sweetest baby boy - Riley - in October. I flew to Canada to pick him up from a wonderful, well-researched breeder, because I didn't want him to be "delivered" to me at a tender three months old.
This past month, I have been feeling a substantial amount of pain, and having a high threshold for (physical) pain, I am devastated to announce that I have Stage III testicular cancer, and require intense chemotherapy treatments and if my doctors can, surgery, under supervised monitoring, to extend my life. I thought taking care of a new pup, who I have fallen head over heels in love with, would be a wonderful idea to help me relax in my retirement many years after my divorce, but I now find myself in unbearable emotional and physical pain, and have no one to turn to (except you all, who I'm hoping can provide me with guidance).
The past almost four months have been nothing but bliss being Riley's Dad. Looking forward, with all of my treatments ahead, however, I know in my heart I cannot give him the world, as I was previously able to do. I am scared for me, longterm, but in all honesty, I haven't slept in over a week - after my body ran the gauntlet of every medicinal test imaginable - solely focused on Riley, and his well-being. I have also been so incredibly petrified (a 60+ year old man, petrified!) to call our breeder to discuss sending him back to her, as I feel I have failed myself, her trust in me, and of course, Riley, in my now inability to care for him furever.
(I also hate discussing finances, but my financial situation - previously set aside for my new sweet boy after saving for him for over five years - is going to have to used for my own health now. In my breeder-buyer contract, I am allowed to send Riley back - if I am "unhappy" with the pup, or if I can no longer care for him. I am unhappy and disappointed in myself that I can no longer care for him. Also, I don't know how to ask for any funds back, as again, I feel like an overall failure. The breeder has agreed in our contract to try to recoup all funds for the pup (he is beautiful, purebred, and as such, not inexpensive), but again, speaking to her breaks me apart having to be strong and firm, when I truly care about my baby. I have never cared for myself before, always caring for others first, so I don't know how to be firm with her, or even how to begin a conversation. Because I cannot fly, and am terrified to fly him cargo, well with our weather in the NE, US, and the weather in CAN, this winter, again, I do not know what to do.
I was wondering if anyone has had any experience being in a heart-wrenching situation with their pup, how to get myself in a position to actually call the breeder, who I hope will understand (but I can never be sure, which frightens me), knowing that I am most responsible, but am feeling so helpless as each day grows nearer. I want to do what is best for my puppy, which I know means rehoming him to a family who will love and care for him as much as I have, by sending him back to the breeder. Nonetheless, I am heartbroken beyond repair.
I have had animals my whole life, and have never had to do anything of this nature, so I will be eternally grateful for any suggestions you all can provide. I was also wondering if anyone knows of a reputable, caring "courier" service (which can fly with my forever angel in cabin; I can take a taxi to one of our local airports - LGA or JFK), which I can't even picture myself having to hand him over or give him up to anyone, or if there is a good samaritan out there who is reputable, honest, and understanding of the gravity of the situation at hand, who is flying to CAN (where I know my Riley can meet his breeder at the airport directly) from NY, who I can pay (at, of course, hopefully an affordable price) to meet our breeder in Ontario, CAN, directly, so I can ensure Riley's safety. Or any other options I am have not thought of?)
If ANyone out there can help me with this, so that I can properly care for myself - which is not even a thought of mine right now, although all my doctors have told me it must be at this stage of my disease and of my life - but also know that Riley will have the life I was so intent on providing him, I cannot stress how thankful I would be. Bless you all, and I hope someone can guide me through what to do with my treasured angel
Many thanks in advance,
Steve