[yorkietalkjilly]

To me, it sounds as if your 3 year old thinks she, not you, is leader of the pack and can discipline other pack members at will. You need to remind her of who the real leader is by possibly instituting one of the good Nothing In Life Is Free programs where she must perform a command for you in order to eat, drink, play with her ball, go outside or jump up on the couch or go to bed for a couple of weeks. Make a game of it, keeping it fun yet firm but it will very shortly get the message across that Mom and not she is taking control.

Desensitize her to your playing with the older girl and showing her that you alone decide what the older dog can do and she's not in control. But, you need to make her have very pleasant and wonderful associations with all of that and you can use the wonder of treats to do it. Put her in the crate and sit right down beside it and play with the older dog, tossing the crated little wannabe pack leader seething through the bars a luscious treat(boiled, warm chicken works great - or turkey hotdog pieces) every time you begin to interact with the older dog or the older girl moves around much. This will show her who is in control and make her in time come to love those play sessions. Keep the sessions to one to two minutes several times a day or at least 2 - 3 times daily and immediately let her outside to run off her tension once the session is over. In time, leash the little bossy girl and put her in a down stay a few feet away as you play with the older girl, tossing treats over to the younger one as you play.

In time, allow her to move closer to both of you as you play. Should she growl or stand up or approach, tell her "No" and get up, lead her back to her place and stand there over her until she lies back down again. Matter-of-factly tell her "Stay" and go sit down and resume the play session, letting the little miscreant know you are watching her and pointing at her if she begins to alert too much. Again, if she does step out of line and begin to growl or stand up during your play session, stand up and gently reprove her but stand her down until she lies back down - and here's the important part - do it EVERY single time she tries to take over. In time, she will learn you brook no part of her horning in on these sessions right now. Once she can lie there and allow you to play with the other girl without growling and acts playful and eager to get in on the game, with soft eyes and no tension and not aggressive, she can happily join in.

Here is where you have to act as a true pack leader - watch the pack of two play and interact. Watch them closely. The pack leader is ALWAYS watching his pack members for signs of aggression, watching if one is trying to take over pack discipline, focusing in too intently, eyes and ears honing in on activity they disagree with by other pack members, growling, standing up and/or walking toward other members in a focused state and the alpha leader steps in and backs his followers stepping out of line down, even runs them off if they are too obstreperous. A true pack leader sets the rules and is always enforcing them albeit gently at first with merely a steely look, with a growl or bared teeth if necessary and very, very, very, very rarely with a bite on the haunches or withers as punishment. We as humans can kind of mimic those alpha dog actions.

Learn the signs of your little aggressive girl just before she attacks and watch for those and when you see her watching the older girl too closely, begin to prick her ears, eyes intent, tense her body, take a step toward the other girl - you say "No", give her a hard look and point at her, stand up if you must and even walk over to her and use your legs and feet to walk into her as you continue to bore her eyes with yours and back her off. She will know it is time to back down and even leave the room if she must. But you just have to watch them for those signs of attempts to take over leadership and the body language of your little attacker will be the dead give-away and allow you to intervene ahead of time.

Here's what begins to happen: Your pack-leader-wannabe will soon begin to get the idea that you are taking back your leadership role, you are always going to intervene and back her down and show her that you can decide who does what when, who plays with whom and when and she will begin to not like being disciplined herself with the back-down, give way and then get with the new program of avoiding trying to be pack leader. Why? Because dogs don't want to be pack leader if they don't have to - they just want to be dogs and eat and play and poop and sleep and be protected. But, if no one is running the show really, the more alpha type dog - the more natural leader - will start to try to take over and tell one and all what to do and when to do it. A little training and watching and a lot of intervening from you will stop all of that in time but don't despair - it will take a few months to get where you want to be.

Another essential - begin a home obedience program and work with her 5 mins. a day x2 daily just taking her through basic steps of obedience for praise and a treat. Keep it upbeat, loving, fun for her and show her how proud of her you are and always treat her for getting it right and she will in time learn to do exactly what you say and it will carry over to the rest of her life in that when you tell her to "stop" when she's outside running, she will stop and stay there until you release her verbally or come pick her up. A simple look of disapproval will stop misbehavior, things like that are the great result of working with and training your dog to LEARN to listen to and always do what you request. It's a great thing to do for a dog - they simply adore working with you and learning how proud you are of them as they work and learn and become the pet you've always wanted - happy and still feisty and well-behaved and not bossy of sister.

Try these things and see how they work for you. Without a lot of history or seeing the dogs interact, it's hard to truly know what is going on but from the sound of it, only some gentle and loving training in whose the boss is all that's called for. But stopping it now before a worse injury occurs is absolutely vital. Just be patient but firm and consistent.