[Dawnoli7]

I don't know what to do with myself. It has been 4 days and I am getting worse. I get panicky feelings and then cry from the depths of my soul. I miss everything about him. I joined this forum today because I know there are people here who understand. I have many friends and loved ones who care, I even got flowers from my son, but I can't keep talking about it to them so I came to you all.


Jasper must have fallen down the stairs when he went to go potty because when I called him, he didn't come to the door. I found him on the bottom deck and brought him upstairs and found he was holding his back leg up. I took him to the vet and his hip was out of the socket so at about 6:30 they put him under to put the hip back in the socket and he died on the table. He was only 1 1/2 years old, weighed just over 4 lbs and he was my snuggler. I can't believe he is gone, Jasper was our little guy and such a sweetheart. Dale and I are broken hearted and already miss him so much.


I couldn't even buy bananas today because he loved them and always wanted little bites. Everything I do, always had an expectation of something wonderful that Jasper would do, and I always feel what is missing. He has left such a big hole in my life. I always thought I was taking care of him but it turns out, he took care of me just as much. I will never forget that little guy.


I have had many people say or think that I should sue the vet for bringing in my Jasper for a hurt leg and having to leave without him because he died for what seemed l...ike a simple procedure. Yes, It is possible that he was over anesthetized as it is apparently really tricky anesthetizing such a small dog.
I remember the vet coming in the room and saying "I lost him on the table (with a question mark in her tone). I could see the shock on her face. "This shouldn't of happened, I don't know why this happened. I tried to revive him for 15 minutes and he was just gone so fast. I am sooooo sorry." and her eyes were filled with tears. At first I was shocked and didn't believe it.
Then I know my Lord showed me her heart and that she was devasted to have to tell me what just happened and she would of given anything to give him back to me. My heart went out to her in that moment and I knew *blame* was useless, and mean, and served no purpose. She offered to do an autopsy, but I said I didn't need one because it wouldn't change anything.
Sometimes it doesn't help to get the "why" when missing him was all that mattered. She graciously told me that I didn't owe the vet anything and offered to cremate him and give me the urn for his ashes because she saw how I felt. The truth is, she could of still charged me because they used their facility, there drugs, their time and vets and hospitals do this all the time, even though the outcome isn't what you expect.


Showing Christ's love and forgiveness is first in my life and nothing in me wanted her (the vet) to feel like she didn't do her best and I know her heart was in the right place. Isn't that all that really matters? We should always look at the heart first.


I tried to load pictures of him but the site says they are too many KB and I don't know how to fix that.