I really empathize with your situation!! As you will NEVER forget your Roxee, and for good reason, however I am wondering whether you would benefit from some kind of therapy? I feel really bad for you
You owe it to Roxee and, least of all, yourself, to make sense of your terrible and debilitating feelings. I wish you ALL the best in your future and hope that in time this great sense of loss will become more manageable for you.