[McheleM]

My oldest daughter (23 today) is in the Navy. She's a reservist, but has the options of taking orders that put her as active duty for 6-12 months at a time. She was offered the chance to go active duty for 8 months in March of 2014, but she turned it down. Why? Her boyfriend (who lives in another state btw) doesn't want her to go. Because its in Africa.


Keep in mind this guy is actually facing prison time for 2 DWI's, and will possibly be there 4 years. He has no job, he's 32 and still a college student, although he claims to have interned for NASA, and he lives off money he receives from the state of Arizona because he's a heart transplant patient. He can't leave arizona to move anywhere, because of his state insurance because if he leaves, he loses it and won't be able to get the same coverage (he's grandfathered in). She pays for his travel back and forth to Texas to see her, as well as food, entertainment, etc while he's here, and if she goes out there, she has to pay for a rental car because he can't drive (2 DWIs and no license or car). Right now, my daughter has 3 part time jobs, just so she can pay her bills. She has no time for personal life, and can't do online school (which the navy pays for) because she doesn't have time to study. Africa means a steady paycheck for 8 months, it's related to the field she's in (she's a master at arms, ie military police) and is studying criminal justice and would like to be a cop later in life, and honestly, it looks better on a resume than 3 part time cashiering jobs, one of which ends after Halloween because it's at Halloween city. So she'll be either trying to increase her hours at target and charming Charlie's to take up the slack, or she'll be looking for another job because right now charming Charlie's is only giving her 4 hours a week. And to me, why the heck would you not want to travel on someone else's dime?? She can see another country and travel to other places and the military pays for it, as well as housing, (she could put her stuff in storage and save on rent and she could put her vehicle in storage as well and have a reduced insurance cost) and full coverage medical insurance. As a reservist, she only has tri-care when she's on her drill weekends. She would also get hazard pay, being its in Africa.

His arguement is that it's not safe over there. I pointed out that 1. It's a military base. 2. Its not safe in the US either (Washington DC shooting on BASE!).

I think he's being selfish and insecure. (He's very insure, even to the point where he will freak out if she does t answer his calls or texts in a timely manner-she made a google calendar for him to see her work schedules, so he'll know if/when she's at work) He's holding her back, and I don't understand why she's allowing it. Why would anyone who claims to love another, keep them from advancing in their chosen career?? He's actually told her (and me) that when (not if) she gets pregnant, he expects her to leave her family here in Texas and move there to arizona to be with him.

It's irritating me, and I feel I should say something to her, but I don't want to alienate her- I was young once and thought I was in love and if my mom had tried to tell me anything about him, I would have defended him and told her where to go....I obviously see things differently now (mom was right) but I don't know how to approach this so she doesn't feel attacked.

Any suggestions???