[Cocoandmia]

I don't know how to begin to heal so maybe writing this will help get it out

A little background...6 yrs ago, I bought the most precious puppy...a little boy coco who stole my heart from day one.,for the next two years he lived with me at college, regularly visiting my family and becoming the love of all of our lives. I studied abroad and left him behind so he bonded unconditionally with my family even more.

last April, we bred him with my boyfriends yorkie and had 4 beautiful pups! We kept one, another went with a family member and the other two with local families.

We moved out About a year ago (10 minutes from our parents) and we brought our two dogs with us, coco the daddy, and Gino our baby!

Once a week our pups would travel back and forth for a day or two between our place and my parents as we would laugh that we "shared custody" they were "daddy & Nona" to little coco, and Gino was their grand baby.

Here's where my life got turned upside down...
My bf picked them up after spending a night with my parents...driving back to our place on a beautiful fall day the windows were down and they were loving the wind in their face. Little gino jumped to the back seat as he liked to "hang" back there...and coco (the daddy) was eating in the passenger side(I created that in the car while driving back & forth from college) ...Just as my bf turned into our development, Coco leaped across to my bf's lap and stuck his head out the window ..one wrong turn around the corner and a mis balance of his little tiny feet, and my poor baby fell out the window.

Just like that, my poor baby is gone. 6 years old, so full of life...so much more life to live, so much more love to give and he's gone.

My family and I are devastated, I'm crushed beyond belief. I'm sad, I'm bitter and mostly so full of Anger. I'm angry at my bf who I also feel sorry for because I know he is grieving and he is dealing with a different kind of pain ...I'm angry at certain people in my life who don't get the magnitude of my loss..and who have disappointed me in a time pain and greif. I'm angry at myself for not letting coco and Gino stay at my parents one more night or for letting them go there the night before...I'm feeling angry at everyone in my life besides my immediate family.

My world is crushed, my baby, my dog, my child (which is what I thought of him) is gone...a senseless irresponsible accident and just like that ..gone.

I thought this day would come much later in life, a day where he grew old and tired and his time was up...I thought I'd have children of my own by that time to lessen the greif but no, this happened only 6 short years into his life...

My best buddy, my little boy...how mommy misses and loves you so much

I am beginning to look for a new puppy, not a replacement bc he can never be replaced...but a distraction and a reason of hope. I still have my baby Gino and I thank God for him, because Coco will live on in him but he also constantly brings tears to my eyes as I am so reminded of him in everything he does.

If anyone knows of any local breeders in the tri-state area or even just outside please let me know...I want to find the right baby and I want to give them all the love I have to give....