I cannot thank you enough. You will never know how you helped me.
The sheer knowledge that I am normal to grieve more than I grieved humans at least ensured me that I am not insane.
I am blessed though that husband, family, and friends understand, Tootsie was loved by everyone.
It has been a week today and I see no getting better. I am purposeless and cannot find one thing Tootsie did not share with me. She accompanied me EVERYWHERE... work, outings, travel, parties even my Bank made the exception and allowed her in her carrier bag. We only ever parted for an hour max when I would drop in to buy something from a supermarket and she would be taken for a walk by driver until I came back. Even this has not happened for years now that I opted for delivery for this very purpose and Videos replaced movies!
Everyone used to say, get her used to being apart in case you cannot have her with you. Little did I know.. I should have done this for ME.. so I get used to not having her around me all the time.
Even my friends who used to laugh that I prefer being with Toots more then being with them when I would let down invitations if Toots was not allowed... They all mourn her today.
I was consoled by what you said: that when she felt sick, I never felt frustrated, I never sulked while medicating her. I took time off and stayed with her until the final sad moment. I cuddled and pretended we were doing something fun together... she knew she can depend on me. She knew I loved her. But what she did not know, is that I was so reckless not to save her in time, so ignorant that it was too late. I am unable to forgive myself. |