[Muffie's Mom]

Between Laughter and Loneliness (Part One)

Being alone does not mean you have to be lonely. The problem is that many consider the terms interchangeable. There is a difference. While aloneness denotes simply being by ones self, loneliness implies a longing for companionship wish not to be alone.

Loneliness is nondiscriminatory. It can attack anyone anywhere, for what may seem to for no apparent reason. The feeling of being alone with no end in sight, while partially, if not totally, immobilized by those beliefs, is what makes the lonely person a prisoner.

People are social by nature. It is important to have meaningful physical and emotional interactions with others. Depending upon whom one asks, loneliness is a feeling or a condition. It is hard to describe and intricate to defeat. What does loneliness mean to you?

Irrational, infeasible, interpretations of our current life situation greatly contribute to the lessening of our self confidence. The first step is to identify negative self-thoughts about ones life situation. Then look for contrary evidence to those irrational thoughts.

Some people are better at alleviating their emotional seclusion than are others. They can hide inner feelings of a monadic existence, while the rest of the world seems to cruise carefree. For the emotionally strong mental seclusion is a fleeting feeling. It comes and goes, visiting them once in a while at best. And when despair arrives they handle it as temporary.

For others who are less fortunate, loneliness absorbs their entire being; as does a constrictor snake suffocating its victims. The less willful see this as a curse. A shadow that follows them all the time. With each human contact they are reminded in compound fashion with an enhanced sense of their own isolation. People with low self-esteem often believe that others would not be interested in knowing them, and that their overall weakness justified.

Older adults are often at risk for friendlessness because of disruptions to their social networks over time. Their children may have moved away. Grandchildren, who were once so playful and cuddly, got older and became more involved in school and activities with friends closer to their own age and energy.

The older person's spouse and friends may become ill or died, leaving a grim retirement down the road. A dissolved workplace, physical disabilities, sensory loss or illness may prevent older citizens from participating in the activities with others that they used to enjoy. Some individuals are no longer able to stay in their own home or familiar surroundings. This results in the loss of connections with friends and neighbors.

Loneliness is a feeling of emptiness, hollowness, inside an individual. Resulting from smothered, festering, feelings of isolation that produced the belief of being separated, cut-off, from the rest of the living, happy, world.

There are varying degrees of isolation. One may experience it as a vague feeling that something is not quite right. This is nothing more than a minor emptiness. In highly effected sufferers aggravated versions of loneliness are ideas of intense social deprivation and rooted agony. Feelings of this type can easily turn to harmful acts, or thoughts to act negatively upon others.

Occasionally, everyone feels lonely. It is only when a person feels trapped in that solitude that it becomes a problem for themselves and others around them.

It is maintained when people do nothing to change sadness toward a positive, creative, direction. It is effortless to sit and hope for sadness to fly away. When waiting fails is when sorrow takes over. People experiencing it often engage in defensive behaviors that perpetuate intolerable feelings.

Others compensate for their feelings of loneliness by over activity. By working long hours, immersing themselves in insufficient activities to avoid the painful feelings.

Still others unintentionally sabotage their relationship by exhibiting overly possessive, clinging, depended behavior. Some attempt to anesthetize themselves with food and/or alcohol and other drugs. All of these behaviors are self-defeating.

Loneliness is a painful emotional feeling of being disconnected, cut off, or isolated from the rest of our world. It is a feeling that something is missing from our lives. Almost everyone experiences loneliness at some time in his or her life. There are many factors that contribute to feeling lonely.

When we are separated from familiar people and places, we often feel disconnected, like we don't belong. Usually, as we meet people and become familiar with places, the feeling subsides fairly quickly.

People experiencing loneliness often feel depressed, anxious, or angry. Some may experience physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach pain, and reduced energy. They are often overly self-critical and self-absorbed in their unhappiness.

Some people fell disconnected, disenfranchised, because they don't know how to approach or contact others socially. Many fear being rejected so they don't attempt to make friends or develop relationships. How can people interpret feeling alone? And what will be their commitment to extricate themselves from the mire?