Here's a very unconventional suggestion if you've a real doglover for a husband and you are serious about trying everything. I'd wait to serve her dinner one night and ask hubby if he will lie down and let you make a dinner plate of him with juicy bits of chicken! Sound weird? It is but it sends a powerful message to a scared, unsure, anxious and possibly abused dog. I've done this! It works wonders.
Just have him lie there, at first on his stomach and after several times, lying on his back, and let her come and have at him without his talking, moving or looking at her. His head should be turned away from her. No eye contact at all. Even if she is too scared or shy to approach at first, she will get the idea that he means delicious chicken and smells really good and he's not intimidating way up tall and looming over her as usual. It will show her he's putting himself at her disposal. To a scared, frightened dog, this means so much.
If he will do it, keep repeating this and if she will approach, have him not interact with her at all - just let her associate him with the delicious chicken and her in control. After a few times of this, her having the control and him looking away, not interacting, she'll have good associations with him when he's lying down low in the supine position, she's taller and knows she can get away fast should she get scared. Plus, she'll see that he is putting himself there for her in a non-threatening manner. It puts the dog in a position of feeling superior for once. In time, he can sit up during mealtime with the chicken on his legs and all around him, and he can even hold out food with his hand but not look at her and if she will take it from him, there's real hope. But I'd start with him being her dinner plate and her in a superior position and feeling that control to garner a feeling of more confidence around the man she now fears.
Further, as time goes on, as he walks by her or is near her, have him drop treats in her direction - again without looking at or approaching her or asking her to approach him when he's tall and maybe threatening. Now she will see that when he is upright and tall, he's still associated with good things and doesn't intimidate her by trying to approach her or initiate any response from her. Sends a huge message that he's not taking any control or going to hurt her.
It will probably be hard if he's a real doglover, but if I were him, I'd totally wait until she approached me on her own for quite some time and made her do the reaching out before I ever responded to her in any way. It will give her a marvelous feeling of control of this relationship and in time, she should be coming up and nudging his hand, wanting his attention, tail wagging a little. A little more withholding of his attention and then slowly start to respond little at a time until he is allowed to work up to looking at her, petting and holding her. Making an insecure dog learn what it's like to have total control is so empowering to them, they usually come around quicker than if the feared person keeps pursuing them with treats and loving ways.
Don't worry, once they are best buddies, he can then gently and over time, reassert his leadership position with her and she will gladly accept it. She wants that now but just fears him, likely from past bad or horrific associations.
This is an unconventional technique, but it appeals to all the things she so lacks right now - plus her love of food - by putting her in control for a while and his totally ignoring her until she begins to ask for his attention. If hubby goes for it, he's a real gem of a guy and can help bring this scared girl to a place of trust!
