[Teresa Ford]

Part 4, Mommy Melt Down
" Ruby get in your bag" he did and I zipped it up. When I opened the car door, and the light came on. I saw what a mess I was. My ragged red tee shirt had a still wet tea stain, centered on my left boob. Thank goods my sweat pants were navy, so no obvious wet spot. I did one of those weird, snorting laughs, the kind that is like a hiccup that just comes out fast, and too loud. Shocking like middle school boys, doing arm pit farts. You know, the stress laugh that happens at church, weddings and funerals. Rubin whined and started to dig. He was trying to get under the bottom pad in carry bag. I told him, "Sorry baby, Mama is wackadoodle today." Me who always dresses so carefully, Miz matchy, matchy has on one navy sock and one black one. I dangle my feet out the door and peel off the socks, tossing them onto the normally tidy back seat. I jam my naked feet into the neon orange rubber clogs I regret grabbing this morning. Ew, nasty, I feel the little dirt balls inside. I sling the zebra carry bag onto my should and Rubin is still digging and whining. The Bag is swinging back and forth and banging my belly in tempo to his digging as we walk to the front door. "Ruby stop it," I say. I know he has picked up my nervousness. He yelps in that " I got to pee bark' and I almost do the snort laugh again. I swallow it back and confess miserably "I got to pee too. It will be ok it's just nerves."
Just as I reached for the door it swung in and the Bad Daddy man rushed out. I automatically stepped to the side. I gave a surprised squeak as my shoulder banged the door frame.The shoulder strap slid down my arm and the carry bag thumped on the hard tile floor. Rubin barked in fear. D@mn ! No it wasn't Christian kindness pouring from between my lips. To Rubin I croon, "It's ok baby." The nurse lady in the waiting room, jumped up asking, "Are you ok ?" I nodded and tried to soothe Rubin. He was doing some honking CT coughing. I shushed him and in a sing song voice said, 'Breathe, breathe, Ah Good, good, baby." Her little Yorkie was working herself into a frenzy of high pitched screams. The nurse lady rushed back to the little diva in the rhinestone dress and held the Yorkie up to her face, making kissy sounds. We thought what a nice nurse lady, we like her. Rubin gave a few more coughs and then whined. He never acts this way and it is all my fault, for letting him feel my worry. I signed the consent forms that Deb the office lady handed me. Deb sweet talked Rubin, telling him he was a handsome boy. He refused to look out the screen panel. He had pressed himself into the far back corner, as far as he could go . He was a shaking fur ball of anxiety.