[RileyDC]

Originally Posted by Carmeow

So I've been in a relationship for 5 years. Before me, when he still lived with his parents, Tony said he always kept his room extremely clean. We've lived together for a year and honestly I really feel completely miserable sometimes. Why? Because despite the fact that I am in love with him, I feel like I'm almost "doomed" to a life with a total freaking spoiled, lazy brat. His mom did all the cleaning. I mean ALL of it. His parents got divorced because his dad is disabled and his mom felt trapped and smothered.

Like I beg Tony to help around the house. He will help, but only after I'm about to cry because im so frustrated. He does nothing until I ask him. We have talked about it many, many times. I go on and on telling him how I feel and he sits there and finally says "What doyu want me to say?" And then I'm crying again because...he's just...not a man...he needs to grow up because I am not his mom and I feel like I have to be. Otherwise our housoe is a wreck. He lets dishes and trash pile up, he NEVER EVER changes Lumas potty pads...I do both of our laundry...I have to remind him to take a shower. Seriously. I am living with a child. I don't know how much more I can take.

Why is he like this? His mom did everything for him. Don't even get me started on anything to do with money. He acts so annoyed when I want him to split the cost of something with me. His grandparents pay our rent and his tuition. I pay the electricity. He buys groceries but we fight every single time we go to the store over how much we can spend. Idk what his problem is. He's 21. All he does is play videogames and leave a mess. His only responsibility is to write the damn check for our rent and he even screws THAT up, forgetting to write the check even though I remind him and even write it on a calendar. Like really?

Please, someone tell me how I can get him to grow the F up. Sorry, I am just totally at my wit's end...I'm sorry to complain...I just needed to vent and I know most of you here are older, married or more experienced women.

Okay.... That is just FILTHY GROSS!!!!

I AGREE with brezofleur: "Relationships should absolutely be 50/50. Maybe 55/45, but definitely not 80/20 and god forbid 90/10."

You are not going to change him. Especially if you are getting that type of response from him when you try and talk to him about it. It’s True! What do you want him to say?? This is who he is. I don’t think it is a matter of Growing Up! This is what he is used to. This is how he was raised.

It is as if you have reached a fork in the road… which way do you choose to go? If you truly believe that he is your lazy, messy soulmate and you decide to accept him then you need to accept that this is what You have chosen… what you are signing up for. Also, if this is what you chose, then you shouldn’t be talking about it in any bad way in the future. That just isn’t fair to him.

A co-worker of mine is going through something similar.
It has started affecting other things between them and as much as she Loves him, she literally Dreads coming home to the point where she Immediately gets thrown into a bad mood when she sees his car in the driveway. Sad!

I think you have got a lot of good advice here… - I do wish you luck with whatever you decide.