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Originally Posted by hnybun128  Here's the deal. This is who he is. You either accept it and figure out how to live with it or move on. He is not going to get older and magically become cleaner or more thoughtful. |
This^
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Originally Posted by GuinnessStout 7 and 1/2 years here and a women's duty is to cook and clean.. Men should not clean lol and godforbid he actually pay his own bills... We have a joint account that I take care of paying his bills from. |
I can relate to this part of your story for sure.
Okay - here's a little about what I've learned in my 43 years. For the most part, people don't change who they are at their core. Not just men..people.
My husband is 42 years old and sounds exactly like your 21 year old BF. How do I live with it? Well, I didn't for a while. We have actually been divorced and remarried. A big reason for the divorce was because (even after a few counseling sessions), I felt like nothing was ever going to change and I was always going to be "the Mom" in the relationship. That was not what I wanted. I wanted the damn fairy tale.
2 years after the divorce and a couple of BFs (even a live-in one) later, I realized that I still wasn't happy. So I did a lot of praying and a lot of soul searching and realized that no matter what, my husband (even though he was an "ex" by law) was always going to be my husband...in my head and in my heart. Then, I had to decide what that meant to me. Was I willing to go back to being the "grown up one" to be with the man I loved? If so, why? (I mean, why would you be in love with a man-child right?) Well, I realized that what I loved about him was his heart and his work ethic and his humor and how he loved me and always looked at me like he did the day we first met. Were ALL of those reasons enough to live the rest of my life knowing I was going to get NO help around the house and I was going to have to ensure the bills were paid on time and the checking account was balanced and...so on?
For me, the answer was yes. I love him in spite of his flaws. And, you know what? I'm not that big of a thrill to live with either (took that time to admit that to myself, too). He's the Yin to my Yang. I'm super uptight and serious about stuff and he just doesn't give a crap. It frustrates me to no-end but if I am honest...we balance each other.
With that said, he was my 2nd husband at 32 years old (okay, my 2nd and 3rd lol). I experienced a lot in my adult life that led me to the conclusion of what was right for me at 40. You, my dear, haven't even experienced life yet. The break from my own husband helped us both (we learned what was really important to us). Only you can decide what is right for you, but sometimes a break is NOT a bad thing......I wish you all the best, Carmen!