 The Middle Wife!!
The Middle Wife
By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids
myself,
but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own
second-grade
classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few
sessions
with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually,
show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model
airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never,
ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug
it
in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing
kid,
takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow
stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant.
"This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his
birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and
then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He
ate
for nine months through an umbrella cord."
[She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying
not
to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are
watching
her in amazement.]
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh,
oh,
oh, oh!' " [Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.] "She
walked
around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'"
[Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.] "My Dad
called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a
sign
on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed
like this."
[Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.] "And then,
pop!
My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got
thirsty,
and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"
[This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming
water
flowing away. It was too much!]
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe,
breathe.' They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then,
all
of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff,
they
all said it was from Mom's play-center!, so there must be a lot of
stuff
inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her
seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's
show-and-tell
day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along. |