Thank you for your advice. Unfortunately I am not their mother. That is how I would be, respect them, learn from them, teach them responsibility and good & bad consequences of their actions. When they are with us, I do make them read directions, I make them google things when they ask questions so they know. Sometimes they get so mad at me for making them do the legwork (they are VERY lazy), but I don't care. I know they will be better people in the end and more proud of themselves eventually that they do things on their own. Sadly their mother holds their hands through everything in life, from hand picking their school classes to paying for a car for the severely underemployed 18 year old. She'd rather CONTROL them, then teach them how to be productive members of society.
Your kids sound wonderful, you should be proud!
(I know you are!)