Hi Michele! Oh my goodness, you are in the valley right now and the storm is just raging all around you, isn't it? It's so hard to understand why God allows so much pain and suffering in our lives, and honey, you sure have seen more than your fair share lately. I have to believe that there is a purpose in all of this. Perhaps when you are through the other side, you will be able to help and encourage others who are just beginning the same journey. I know that sounds pretty hollow when you are sitting there, broken hearted, throwing your guts up, but trust me, it's true. I hope you have some kind of a support system in place. Is anyone helping you? Do you have family nearby? I wish I lived closer. When things got very tough for me, I journaled. My thoughts were for my eyes only. I never journaled before, and in the beginning it was just a place to sound off because people get tired of hearing your woes. In the end, when I look back now, I saw blessings I would have forgotten about, strength that came from the oddest places, and peace and acceptance of my current circumstances. I drew from a well that was so much deeper than I ever knew was there, and I learned things about myself that still surprise and amaze me. I know I am a much different person today then I was back when that difficult journey started. I guess we are all like that. The trick is coming out the other side better, and stronger. Faith and fear can not live in the same house, and you have to decide daily which you will serve. I'm so sorry you are going through so much pain. Please know that you have friends here who will listen, and cry with you, and celebrate with you, and always pray for you. You are never alone. Gentle hugs, my new friend. Please let us know how you are doing. Take care.
