We always had age appropriate expectations. She knew that she had to be in school or if she quit that she had to get a job. By the time my girls were 12 they knew how to cook, sew, do laundry and many other essential skills. I believe a parents job is to prepare their child for life as an adult.
When we moved to Binbrook for the first 2 years i drove her to work and to her boyfriends house. We kept telling her that she would have to get her license. Finally 9 months ago we told her to learn to drive or move to the city. When she chose to move to her uncles she was told that if she changed her mind she could come home but would need to leard to drive. She decided it was too scary and is now angry that we are holding her to the agreement. She has said its not her fault we moved here and that its not fair to expect her to get her license. She feels that we should be required to continue driving her until such time as she decides to move of her own free will. When living at her uncles was too hard her boyfriends mother "rescued" her because we didnt care.
Her boyfriends mother cleans his room and he has NO chores. He is allowed to sleep all day and only works part time where his mother works. He cant cook a thing and doesnt know how. He has never washed a piece of clothing in his entire life. His mother thinks that I am a horrible mother for what I have done to my daughter. She makes this opinion very clear to her. My daughter always believed that I had her interests at heart and disapproved of parents who coddled their children including her boyfriends mother. It was only after she chose to move and found out how hard it was and that we were not going to rush in and rescue her from herself that she changed her tune. Now she tells me that his mother is a great mother and that I dont care about her. She says that I am judgemental even tho I have stood by her when she has made some pretty nasty mistakes. I never once made her feel bad about them. I reminded her that we have all done things that we regret and that as a child its her job to make mistakes and my job to help her to learn from them and to deal with them. She is hiding her unemployment status from her boyfriend and his family and that she is receiving assistance. She said that she is afraid they will think badly of her. I have been coming once a week and going out with her and recently found out that she has been telling them that she is at work and not with me. All I said was that she should tell them and that if she is caught lying they would be hurt. I told her that they will understand. She insists they wouldnt. Seemed to me that the only reason they arent judgement is because she is hiding things from them.
I was going to write her a letter but my DH said not too. He said that I have spent years trying to help her and to have a relationship with her and that its time to let go. Do you agree? I feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest. 20 years of love and effort all gone because shes found a place where she can do nothing and hide from growing up. |