Hi Everyone. This is long but still cant get the whole story in, tried my best to keep it brief
First let me say that I am 43 and have made being the mother to my two beautiful girls my life. Thats whats making this even more painful.
I have two daughters 20 (almost21) and 17. Our family have been through hell the past few years. First I had my hip replaced in 2009 after two years of increasing pain. Four years later and I am still in constant pain. Then my youngest developed an almost fatal eating disorder. The clinic we were talking her to said that she was once of the sickest children they had seen in there 10+ years of exsistance. I was asked to be with her 24/7. I quit my job one that I loved and paid very very well and began the monumental task of helping her recover. Now after residential treatment in Utah almost 2 years of watching her ALL the time and losing almost 100,000 dollars she is doing wonderful.
I am currently unable to work as I am struggling with a very deep depression. I believe that all that I went through as well as the months of half sleeping in a hospital chair is a factor.
So thats a wee bit of the background.
During all of that we bought a new house about 5 months after the surgery. It is my dream house, I actually broke down in tears while touring the home. The only problem is no bus service as its in the suburbs. We told the girls that we would drive them if they needed to go anywhere. I am pretty sure that we made it clear that this was until they got their licences. We got them lessons and my youngest was gung-ho. My oldest was not happy at all. She didnt wasnt to drive. She made excuses as to why she couldnt. It was becoming very clear that she wouldnt get her license. So we gave her a choice, learn to drive and we will buy you a car or move. We told her that she would have to pay for insurance and gas. She chose to move. She moved into my brothers place. She discovered that it cost ALOT to live. In the meantime My youngest got her license and my DH decided to pay for her insurance. A gesture that would have extended to my oldest.
Well she moved out of her uncles and into her boyfriends parents home with him. His mother still cleans his room and does everything. Neither of her children have any chores and her BF only works P/T at McDonalds. He doesnt pay rent and spends all of his money on pot booze and video games. My DD pays 200 a month for room and board. My DD is on welfare but has lied and said she is working. I visist her once or twice a week and found out she said she is working when with me.
A week ago while in the car she says dont take this the wrong way but I am upset that you guys are paying for her insurance. I told you that I didnt have money for food and you never helped me. I am not working and said did you ask Dad? she said no because he will lecture me.
I said that if she was home we would have paid for her insurance too. I has told her if you want to move home we will pay you will only have to pay insurance. She said no and then tells me that she likes where she is as they dont judge her. Of course they dont, she lies to them to make herself look better. I dont judge her belive me she has been though some things that most parents woouldnt deal well with and all I offered was support. I always tell my kids that its their job to make mistakes and my job to help them though the crisis.
So my youngest has money in my account as her boyfriend who we allow to live her due to a bad home life is awful with money and she was hiding it. I gave her my bank card as well as a government chequw that came to our house for my oldest. Well she forgot the cheque but said here use moms bank card for your liqour purchase as I have money in there. Well she took my DH's card that was in my wallet. So he was pretty angry when he saw an 88 dollar purchase for booze. WE confronted her and asked for an explnation and the card back. She said she knew she had the wrong card but didnt want to come all the way home so she used it. She said 14 of the 88 was hers the rest her sisters. The gvmt cheque wasnt enought to cover the difference so when she called her I yelled out to her to ask for the money and if she could call revenue canada and change her address. I was angry very little at my oldest and mostly with my youngest.
So tonite I go on FaceBook and my DD's boyfriend who I havent seen in 2 1/2 years (not interested in meeting her family) sent me a message saying "you really do like drama" and my DD has removed me. I am so hurt. I cant begin to explain how much I do for her. I running errands with and for her. SHe has told her sister that it wasnt fair to expect her to learn to drive and that we shouldnt have moved to a house without a bus route. I will be here 30 to 40 years and making a decision based on her wants for 4 - 5 years desnt make sense.
There are SO many others things she has said about us but this is SOO long already. Has anyone else been through this? I am one hundred percent sure that her boyfriends mother is telling her she is a victim as her belief as she told me is that its a mothers job to ensure that her children are provided for until they no longer want to be tajen care of and that a mother prevents struggle or any hardship. I believe that sometimes you have to give your little bird a push to show them they xan fly. Also my DD used to say that his mom was doing too much and that he was never going to grow up because of her. The kid cant make a grilled chesse sandwich.
What do I do???? Do I contact even tho she clearly cut me out? Why would she be so angry that I am upset with her sister who she usually dislikes? I dont want to lose her but I wont treat her like a helpless toddler.