Decisions about the spine and neurology can be really difficult.
Go with your heart. And if you aren't sure what your heart is saying (although it sounds like you are...), talk to the neurologist again. I wouldn't want to have to decide. Personally, I would not do it. That doesn't mean I'm saying not to. But when a neuro says they probably wouldn't if it were their dog...that would be enough for me to not do it.
My girl has IVDD. We can't be sure that is the only thing wrong because I elected not to do the MRI. I had decided that any type of spinal surgery was wrong for her. And when talking to a vet about this, it was pretty clear that she isn't a good surgical candidate anyway, esp. if pain meds are working and there being more than one problem area, her age/number of things wrong with her, etc. So we have decided to let her stay as is. Our situation is different though in that she almost certainly does not have AAI. There is a chance of paralysis at this point though (theoretically). She is double your girl's age and has many other health issues. There is just no way I'd put her through back surgery unless it was our last hope... And even after recovery from spinal surgery, they are not cured. It's just a repair and is not like new.
I asked her vet "what would you do if this was your dog?". The answer was no surgery. She is just a bad candidate.. We could have sedated her and retaken xrays. This way the neuro would have been more able to tell us if hydrotherapy would be safe for her. Decided against that too because if there is any risk, I don't want to do the hydro with her.
So we do no hydro, no chiro, no acu-anything. We limit jumping as much as possible. We don't throw toys for her to run after. She is not allowed to climb flights of stairs. Her brother and her can be together, but when they start to wrestle, it is broken up. Baths irritate her lower spine for some reason. I don't give them unless needed. We used to brush teeth nearly everyday. She wiggles away though. I've cut way down and think it probably does more harm than good now. She is kenneled a lot and seems okay with it for the most part. It is hard to not have her running around though. We do take some risks by letting her jump sometimes, etc. We try our best to stop her, but aren't going to totally restrict her.
Honestly, I have found it very difficult. It is so draining to rotate dogs, make sure they both get enough attention, but most of all keep her safe. It is hard to try and keep her safe 24/7. If she was younger, I couldn't even imagine...
You have to find the right balance for your family.
I do think wrestling with other dogs would be a big problem.
The neuro should probably make the call on when/how dentals are done. I've thought about that for Ellie. She isn't as fragile as an AAI pup, but with all the flipping and such...makes me nervous. I think my girl would be fine with cleanings, extractions though...not so sure. As for anesthesia, I have a healthy respect for it being used in any case and only will only agree to it if it is clearly indicated.
I'm not sure why no vet caught the head bobbing. That would bother me. It would also bother me that the vet had such a big concern about whether the neuro would be willing to try holistic things. And they pretty much insisted you saw somebody in particular... Sounds like it may be new vet time.